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So, he’s stopped texting you, and it’s driving you crazy, huh? Been there. Look, being ghosted is never fun — I think I checked my phone 300 times one day while waiting for a text I was pretty sure was never coming — but it’s not the end of the world. It may not even be the end of the relationship. You’ve just got to take a breath, set aside your insecurities and fears, and think about your options.
According to CNN, 6 billion texts are sent every day in the U.S. Our phones give us instant access to our friends, family members, and crushes, but what should you do when the chatty guy you like all of a sudden stops being chatty? Here are 7 ways to deal with his silence:
If it’s been a long time since you two have talked, like 2+ weeks, you should think about moving on and finding a boyfriend who can summon the effort to text you back and carry on an adult conversation.
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If a guy has stopped texting you, the main thing to remember is to not blame yourself… or take your feelings out on your phone by throwing it across the room. It’s not your fault. It’s not your phone’s fault. It’s not even the guy’s fault (maybe).
Most of the time, people don’t mean to ignore text messages. We all forget to respond sometimes. He probably just got busy. Or he was with a friend and didn’t want to be rude by texting. Or his phone died or got lost. Or maybe he’s not a fan of texting (people like that do exist) and just has bad texting habits.
If you practice assuming generously, you’ll find it easier to forgive and forget. We’re all human and make mistakes, and sometimes the silence isn’t intentional or about you at all.
Whatever the reason, a guy not texting you back shouldn’t ruin your day. You’ll start running all of these nonexistent scenarios in your head (he ran into Taylor Swift in the checkout line at Whole Foods, and they fell in love and jetted off to Rio with nothing but the clothes on their backs and her cats). This kind of thinking will only drive you nuts and cause misunderstandings.
Probably the worst thing you could do when a guy stops texting you is to keep texting him. You could come off as desperate, clingy, obsessive, and controlling — it’s generally not a good look for a potential girlfriend.
Instead of harassing him, try backing off for a little bit and see if he comes around. You need to give him the chance to actually miss hearing from you.
Practice some self-control when you don’t get a text back. Send a friendly followup in a couple hours. Still nothing? Maybe tomorrow or the next day you can try again. When you do finally reach back out, it should be a happy, off-topic text. Don’t focus on the fact that he’s not replying. Your goal should be to make him smile — not feel guilty.
If he does respond, wait a little while before sending something back. I’m not saying play games, but it’s good to signal that you’re not sitting by the phone waiting for him to text you. You also have a busy life, and he can also wait on you. That being said, if you are interested in him, don’t leave him hanging too long.
Bury yourself in work, go out with friends more often, start a new show on Netflix, actually make use of that gym membership — whatever you need to do to not think about him. This is the time to pay attention to the things in life that you might have put on hold while you were texting back and forth with him.
Men and women often communicate differently. While I could spend all day texting with my best friend, a guy would probably get annoyed (to say the least) if I text him about every little thing I’m doing.
He’d rather be with you in person than texting with you all day, so try to get him into the real world as quickly as possible. Avoid long texts and just ask him if he can meet you for a 5-minute coffee break.
If you’re following each other on Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media site, send him a quick tweet or comment just to see what’s up. You’ll want this to be fun and casual so you don’t come off like a creepy stalker. Send him a funny article or a link to something that interests him and see how he reacts.
If you just can’t move on without knowing why he disappeared, then you can come straight out and ask him. He may appreciate your directness. Or he may continue to be a coward and not answer you. Either way, you have nothing to lose, right?
It’s a good idea to use a curious rather than accusatory tone in that follow-up text conversation.
Try not to place too much blame or show a lot of anger in your message. After all, he could be in the middle of a personal crisis, and he won’t appreciate being disparaged via text. A simple, “Hey, what happened? Are you no longer interested?” should be enough to prompt a response for a typical, non-douchey person.
Ultimately, you can never really know why someone stopped texting you. And it can drive you crazy coming up with every possible reason and focusing so much energy on text messaging.
You can’t control when or if a person will text you back. The only thing you can control is how you react to it and move toward the love life you want.
I know I don’t have the patience for flaky men, so I recommend finding a new guy on Match and building a healthy relationship with healthy communication.
No matter which route you take, remember that you deserve a boyfriend who cares about you enough to not leave you hanging.