Why Do Men Vanish

Women's Dating

Why Do Men Vanish?

Kristina Marchant

Written by: Kristina Marchant

Kristina Marchant

Kristina Marchant is a dating and relationship expert and the author of two relationship products for women. She writes weekly love advice posts on her popular blog ConnectWithHisHeart.com and has been featured on other sites, such as Fox News Magazine. She holds a bachelor's from Columbia University in psychology, but her true knowledge about men comes from hard, love-life experience.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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According to Dove, the soap company, only four percent of women consider themselves beautiful. No wonder most of us are crushed and angry when a man disappears.

If a woman can’t view herself as beautiful, it makes sense that she would look to gain a more positive self-image from her man.

When a once-interested guy goes MIA, we are left wondering where we went wrong and scouring the Internet for answers to the question: Why do men vanish?

We are all too ready to take the blame and beat ourselves up for the loss of a “great man,” but the truth is men disappear for lots of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with our attractiveness or worth in a relationship.

1. He’s not built for partnership.

Our ability to have a healthy attachment to a significant other and to participate in a monogamous, long-term partnership is wired in our brain in the first years of life.

If a man’s childhood was lacking in love or emotional security, chances are he isn’t capable of the kind of pairing that’s required for marriage.

Most people don’t understand how their attachment style plays games with the conscious mind. A man just starts feeling restless or numb in safe relationships and wants out.

Since an insecure attachment style is usually paired with emotional unavailability, many commitment-phobic men don’t know how to express their drifting feelings and would rather vanish than have a heart to heart.

A great read on the subject is Steven Carter and Julia Sokol’s book “Men Who Can’t Love: How to Spot a Commitment-Phobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart.”

“What you focus on is

what you get more of.”

2. It’s not the right time.

There’s a saying, “Women marry when they find the right man and men marry when they hit the right stage in their life.”

Maybe he feels too young for a partnership, or maybe he just got out of a long and painful marriage.

Maybe he’s still in love with an ex or not feeling financially stable enough to settle down.

Sometimes we meet the perfect person at the most imperfect time.

It’s not worth asking why men vanish.

The smarter question is: Why do I get emotionally involved with men who aren’t available to love me?

Or better yet: Do I really feel worthy of love and happiness?

For every man who pulls a Houdini act, there’s a guy out there who is ready to pair up and start a family with you.

What you focus on is what you get more of, so focus on finding love, not crying over split milk.

And remember, finding Mr. Right starts with a journey to self-love. So how can you feel part of Dove’s four percent?

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