The art of finding a good mate is limited by an individual’s mating marketplace. For instance, if someone lives in a small town, the pickings for mates of the right age and income may be slim.
Likewise, in modern urban America, where there is an oversupply of educated single women, the dating pool of corresponding men is highly coveted, and there is a lot of female competition for mates.
In modern China, the opposite is true: The gender imbalance where men outnumber women has been going on for nearly four decades now. I’ll take you through why.
The Repercussions of a One-Child Policy
In 1979, in an effort to curb population growth, the Chinese government mandated a “one child rule.” The policy lasted until 2015 and had an indelible impact on dating life.
As in any patriarchal culture, sons were often prized over daughters. Thus, the enormous human tragedy played out where female fetuses were too often aborted, or female infants were put up for adoption. In extreme cases, newborn girls were even murdered.
Smash cut to 2026, where the country now has about 30 million spare young men. And many are single and cannot find mates. What are these men to do?
That’s the subject of a new movie called “The Dating Game” from documentary filmmaker Violet Feng.
Chinese Men Yearning for Love
The 2025 film follows the journey of five young men from rural China coming to a large city to meet a dating coach.
Beginning like a reality show, the cameras follow the men as they get new haircuts, clothing, and advice on how to approach women in public.
The private and heart-wrenching interviews with each of the men tell the real story of attachment injuries and feelings of loss.
They share stories of being raised with only boys and even of seeing dead baby girls in ditches. They talk about their low self-esteem, their yearning for connection, and having no ability to find that.
The Story Isn’t Better for Chinese Women
At the same time, single Chinese women are having mating issues of their own.
One might think that since female mates are at a premium, women would be highly prized and put on pedestals. Unfortunately, no.
As the filmmaker told me in a telephone interview, an oversupply of young men in any culture tends to give rise to political ideals of nationalism, misogyny, and violence in general.
The slang term “incel” (short for involuntary celibacy) was coined in 2010 in Western culture. This label encapsulates the bitterness and isolation of a man unable to win a stable, loving partner.
“The Dating Game” also captures the cloistered lives of young women attached to online AI-generated “boyfriends.” Many Chinese women say these avatars feel safer than real live men.
One 32-year-old Japanese woman even married her AI boyfriend in December 2025. What a perfect microcosm for the year.
“The Dating Game” Speaks to Deep Cultural Issues
The movie made me think more about how mating marketplaces silently influence individuals. Single people often blame themselves and their attractiveness instead of zooming out and looking at the big picture.
As far as China’s gender imbalance goes, experts predict it will only exacerbate love problems: “The marriage squeeze will result in more lifelong never-married males. Annually, after 2044, more than 10% of males aged 50 will never have been married.”
Modern mating markets in the U.S. are affected by technology that has commodified love (aka the swipe game). Relationship progress is also hampered by the economy that bars young people from homeownership to build families.
Gym memberships, plastic surgery, and AI dating assistants won’t solve this much bigger mating marketplace problem. And if we can more accurately diagnose the issue, maybe we can come up with better solutions for our young singles.
Look for the documentary “The Dating Game,” directed by Violet Feng, to appear on a U.S. streaming service soon.
