What Our Ancestors Can Tell Us About Our Future Romantic Relationships

The Short Version: Our ancestors are long gone, but they continue to inform our relationships — even romantic ones. FamilySearch, a non-profit organization that offers genealogical resources, provides insights into people’s inherited behavioral patterns. FamilySearch’s Senior Marketing Manager, Heidi Camacho, explained how our past can affect our romantic futures. 

I’ve always been curious about my ancestors, those faceless people I assume had my nose and my disdain for algebra. 

I never really got to know my grandparents, all of whom passed away before I was 10 years old. I’ve learned as much as I can about them over the years, but in some ways, they still feel like strangers to me. What were they like in person? How did their life experiences shape their behaviors? Which of my quirks can be attributed to nurture, and which came from them? 

“FamilySearch is about providing people with journeys they can draw inspiration from,” Heidi Camacho, Senior Marketing Manager of FamilySearch genealogical research, told us. “(When they) learn from the past, they can take that inspiration and use it to understand who they are now and all that they’re capable of in the future.” 

This makes me think of my maternal grandfather, who died when I was a toddler. He was known for being a kind but introverted man. As I get older, I’ve taken on his introverted ways. 

My grandmother was patient and energetic, the perfect foil to my grandfather’s intensely private ways. When I date, I naturally seek out men who balance out my introvertedness with energy. Is this because of my grandparents? Have I inherited my grandfather’s introverted nature? Am I subconsciously trying to follow their own relationship patterns? 

FamilySearch can help you answer questions like these. The more you learn about your genetic past, the more insight you have into your potential future. 

FamilySearch has been reuniting people with their ancestors since the late 1800s, Heidi told us.

“We’re really passionate about everything that has to do with helping people connect with meaningful relationships,” she told us. Of course, humans don’t just craft connections willy-nilly. Believe it or not, our relationship patterns — romantic or otherwise — are often mirrored by those of our ancestors. 

Our most unique features may not be unique at all. 

FamilySearch provides free access to genealogical records and educational resources. When you log into the site, you become part of the site’s Family Tree, which connects you to people from nearby branches. You can share information about your family and your family’s past via the family tree. “We call it the ‘tree of humanity,’” Heidi told us. “It helps make the experience so much easier because everyone is sharing information.” 

You can facilitate even more connections by sharing family photos, audios, and scanned journal entries. Heidi told us that the process of providing intact genealogical documents is difficult, but worth it. 

“We connect with different types of organizations around the world, and we work with them to provide access to records that are in really terrible condition,” she said. “We work with them to scan them and make it so they are accessible to people without cost.” 

There are countless opportunities for connection at FamilySearch, whether someone is your ancestor or not. “We use volunteers all over the world in an initiative called Getting Involved, because we want everyone to be involved with this work, and to be able to help other people make connections.” 

Plus, giving your partner access to your family history is a vulnerable act, one that can bring you two closer together. It can also help your partner understand you better if you have trouble articulating your feelings. By viewing your genealogical information, your partner gains insight into your genetics and your identity. 

When you dig into your family history, you can return with more than a few old documents and grainy photos. “Every family has patterns, and these patterns make up your identity,” Heidi told us. “It also contributes to your understanding of where you come from, and what it is you’re looking for in the future as far as creating another family.” 

After all, your behavior comes from your parents, and your parents’ behavior comes from their parents, and so on. “When you have a family, you grow up with certain family patterns. There are different cultures, religions, educational backgrounds, and traditions,” Heidi explained. 

These patterns influence the way you behave, including in romantic relationships. 

“When you are starting to develop relationships, especially in the dating world, you take those patterns and you try to connect with someone who has familiar patterns,” Heidi told us. This makes it easier to connect with a potential partner over your dreams for the future. 

If you and your significant other both have relatives who emigrated to the U.S. from a war-torn nation, you may both prioritize having a solid family unit, for example. As far as family goals for the future go, you and your partner could be on the same page. 

And if the patterns you experienced impacted you in a negative way, then you might seek someone who grew up with different patterns. “Your family narrative of the past impacts your wants and your dreams for what your family will look like in the future,” Heidi explained. 

She likened genealogical information to tools that help strengthen relationships. “They’re the building blocks that get you to something more serious in a relationship.” 

Understanding your family’s behavioral patterns via genealogy is a great way to gain insight into your own behaviors. This way, you can understand where your partner is coming from when they complain about your inability to commit or to communicate, for example. 

Maybe reticence simply runs in the family. Now that you know this, you can work on changing your patterns for the better. 

“When you’re dating, you’re impacting not just the present, but the future,” Heidi said. This is especially true when it comes to the way your family communicated growing up.

If your ancestors were emotionally distant with each other, then they likely passed this on to their children. If their children were attracted to people who mirrored this behavior, then the emotional distance carries on until it gets to you. 

Looking at your family’s history as an observer makes it easier to pick up on these patterns… and challenge them once and for all, if you’re so inclined. “It’s really crucial to understand your family’s background and narrative,” Heidi said. “It helps you think about how you can set the tone with your own family.” 

People may think genealogy is a boring hobby covered in dust from time past, but Heidi assured us this isn’t true. “Do you realize that when you upload anything on social media about what you’re doing and how your family is or birthday pictures, you’re recording your family history? You’re sharing something with the world,” she pointed out. 

In this way, genealogy isn’t only the study of our ancestors, but of future generations. There’s a reason why every generation, regardless of technology, felt compelled to record themselves. “Our happiness comes from the everyday joy of feeling connected,” Heidi told us. And what connects us more than romantic relationships, which essentially ties family lines together? 

“Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friendship, or a family member, knowing you have connections and that there is a story to everyone gives you a sense of belonging that not a lot of other things in the world give you,” Heidi said. And this sense of belonging can positively impact your happiness as well as your partner’s, she told us. 

“(Connection) enables you to be happier not just in your own life, but also in the relationships that you pursue with those around you.” After all, your family can inspire you in ways you never imagined. 

If your great-grandmother overcame extreme hardship, it’s inspiring to know her strength may have passed down to you. “Maybe you feel weak and like nobody has gone through what you’re going through now,” Heidi posited. But if you look back at your family tree, you’ll see this probably isn’t the case. 

She told us, “That type of understanding of what your loved ones have been through can give you the type of qualities and the strength that you need to get through really hard things, whether it’s individually or even in a relationship.” 

Whether we’re writing letters, journal entries, or Instagram captions, we’re sending a fragment of our identities into the future.