Ask Doc Love Talking About Dates

Men's Dating

Ask Doc Love: She’s Talking About Her Other Dates — What Gives?

Doc Love

Written by: Doc Love

Doc Love

Doc Love coached men for over 30 years after interviewing thousands of women in his lifetime asking them why they chose one man versus another. What Doc learned directly from women he then taught to men. Doc was a prolific writer and created a lot of timeless dating content for his team to continue sharing his message. Singles can also get additional coaching via his still active blog and podcast at www.doclove.com/blog and www.datingwomenpodcast.com. For more tips visit his official site www.doclove.com.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Reviewed by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com.

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Discuss This! Discuss This!

As a men’s dating expert, I receive plenty of inquiries and questions from men who want to date better and figure out what’s going on in their dating lives. I enjoy having conversations with single men and helping them figure out things they may not have realized before. Here’s an example of a letter and response I received from a guy who had no idea why his girl was dating other men. Check it out!

When Some Other Guy Kills the Romance Vibes

Hi Doc,

I was on a date with a girl, and I was thinking that she really liked me. She had invited me over to her house for dinner and stuff like that. Then on the fourth date, she started telling me how she went out with some other guy last week. Though she didn’t have anything good to say about him, I still didn’t like to hear about another guy.

What was she trying to accomplish by telling me about this?

John – who wants to know her motives

My Advice: Take It Like a Man

Hi John,

I wish I knew what you meant by “stuff like that” — on the other hand, this column is G-rated, so perhaps it’s better that I don’t know. Let’s move on and address the more important mystery: Why is your girl so unabashedly open about her dating life?

As is true with most dates, everything appeared to be going smoothly for you in the beginning – until your girl threw you a curveball. 

Because you’re a rational being, you asked yourself, “Why is she talking to me about other guys when we are sitting together at her place?” That’s where I come in: I can interpret this behavior for the billions of confused men who inhabit planet Earth!

Doc Love logo
Doc Love has spent decades advising men on how to date for keeps.

According to The System, the overwhelming majority of women (80%) don’t mention their other dates while they are in a man’s presence. That’s why when a woman volunteers this information, you must pay very close attention. She’s showing her true motives.

John, 90% of women who share the intimate details of their other dates with you do so to subtly tell you: “You’ll never be more than a ‘friend’ to me – so don’t even try!” In other words, they do it out of low Interest in a romantic future. 

If you were to complain to her two months later about the fact that she’s still dating other guys, she may tell you with heartless indignation: “I told you at the beginning that I was seeing other people. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.” So much for empathy!

The other 10% of women mention their other dates because they have high interest in you. A woman in this group falls into one of two possible categories:

Category One: The Woman Likes You But Wants to Test You

In this instance, it’s not her intention to humiliate you — she just wants to find out what you are made of and how much you like her. For example, are you the type of guy who gets uptight when you find out you’re not the only sprinter in the race for her heart, or do you smile nonchalantly because you know you’re dating other people yourself?

The female knows that dating is a power struggle. This is why she tries to determine ASAP who is wearing the pants in the relationship. By besetting the man with numerous uncomfortable situations, a woman can determine whether he can “take the heat” (Sorry to say – most men can’t), which shows her if he has a backbone. 

In short, testing a new relationship gives the woman very useful information. Now she’ll know how far a man can be pushed before he fights for her or walks out of her life.

Category Two: The Woman Likes You & Wants to Be Honest

In category two, a woman has an initial attraction but may have been exploring other options before committing to one man. In this scenario, she has only gone out with you one or two times. The attraction is growing, and she already feels guilty about dating other guys. 

In her mind, she has given her heart to you, so any time spent out with another man is a type of infidelity, which makes her want to confess. Of course, her self-imposed guilt is unnecessary since no one can be expected to stop going out with other people after only a couple of dates – but it’s a good sign nevertheless.

“Her honesty shows you that she has integrity and has fallen hard for you.” — The System

I’m betting that the second category applies to your case, John. Firstly, your girl felt comfortable enough around you to invite you into her home to sit on her couch with her. Women with a low interest level don’t do this. Secondly, she had nothing good to say about your competition.

It sounds to me that this girl likes you and has a great attitude and approach… so far. My advice to you: Don’t bring up the other guy, and have a blast on your third date!

Dating Is Difficult, But My System Can Clear Things Up

Guys, whenever you are confronted with dating phenomena that you don’t fully understand, don’t get uptight about it. And definitely don’t react out of fear or anger. Stay calm and cool in the moment and realize that your first reaction may not be the best reaction. 

If you’re ever feeling upset and confused like John did, you can always consult a men’s dating expert like myself or go online and find some reliable information from coaching resources such as The System. That’ll give you a different perspective and help you understand what’s going on in your girlfriend’s mind and heart.