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This has happened to every man at least once. You are sitting there minding your own business and BAM, you see her. Maybe she sits down next to you in class, maybe she walks into the bar with a chorus of angels, or maybe her piercing green eyes make you gasp as you swipe through profiles. Either way, you see this woman and instantly want to talk to her, get to know her, do things for her, be around her all the time. You want to make her like you ASAP!
But there are a whole bunch of steps to go through before you’re actually girlfriend-boyfriend. Relationships go through four general stages of closeness: social, connection, comfort, and intimacy. To make things simple, we can consider them as meeting, hanging out, dating, and relationship. You need to move through each of these in the correct order for feelings to develop. Imagine you just meet a woman socially and then the next day call them to bitch about your hard day. It would seem jarring.
So let’s get those social muscles going and start doing everything in our power to get that dream girl to like us. Or, to phrase it better, to become liked. No one can “make” someone like them. But you can be likable and invite that person into your world. So let’s work on making the world a better place and become someone genuinely likable.
Yes, I know she might be the most gorgeous creature you’ve ever seen, but you need to learn about her and see if you guys vibe. Find out what makes her tick. And honestly be interested in what she’s saying. So don’t ask boring questions that you think you should ask, ask questions you are genuinely curious to learn the answer to.
Then you can try and hone in on what it is she likes. Whatever that is (pilates, fuzzy dogs, pottery), ask her what about it makes her happy, how she got into it or one of her favorite times doing that activity. People love to talk about things they are passionate about!
The first thing every guy I coach always wants to know is: “What is the perfect opening line?” As every woman already knows, the answer is “There isn’t one.” Actually, the truth is that anything can be a good opening line as long as it’s delivered with confidence and authenticity.
Many guys think they need to have the perfect line or look the perfect way. The reality is that what is perfect to one person is flawed to another. As an example, I was out with a client who thought a good pickup line was the best way to get women to like him. To disprove him, I told him to give me any sentence in the English language, and I would use it as my opening line to a couple of girls. He came up with something nonsensical and super weird, and I marched right over and said it. The girls were confused, but I followed it up with, “I was just trying to come up with a question I was sure you’d never been asked before! Anyways, how are you guys?”
It’s just better to be yourself (the best version of yourself!) as it will come off as more authentic. If you are trying to be what you think she wants, you’re probably wrong. You don’t have the conviction of your beliefs to bolster you. The more you disguise yourself, the harder it is going to be for the right partner to get to know and like you.
Animals and humans like to bond. It’s natural and comforting. One of the quickest ways to develop that bond is to find similarities to each other. It could be a similar world view, a shared love of a sport or a country or city both of you have visited.
Sometimes when I’m meeting new people, I’ll speak in dense sentences. “After I graduated college, my brother and I backpacked around Europe, and when we were in Amsterdam, we took an all-you-can-eat-and-drink jazz cruise up and down the canals.” The person can now comment on schooling, siblings, travel, cities, eating, drinking, music, or boats. I’m giving them a lot of things to talk about. Whatever they comment on – “Oh, I love Amsterdam!” – will let me know what they are interested in, so I can focus the conversation in that direction, and we can share stories and interests.
The first and biggest switch in dating is mental. The goal is not to get more girls or more dates or into a relationship. The goal is to become someone who is so interesting that you draw people to you.
Some guys see what they want and go after it. When it comes to chasing women, that can sometimes come across as needy or desperate. When we first meet someone, they don’t know if we have any value yet. The quickest way to demonstrate your value is to give her curiosity about you and the quickest way to do that is to be interesting.
If your answer to, “What did you do last week?” is, “Um, not much, still working from home, so I did that and watched some Netflix,” would you want to date you? Would you want to get to know this person more? Probably not. So pick up a hobby, read a book, make something with your hands. As you develop your interests, you become more interesting.
When guys give compliments to women, they can come across as insincere, generic, or creepy. I know you may hear a lot about “give her compliments because women love compliments,” but those compliments need to be authentic or they can ring hollow. The way I teach to give compliments is to start with an observation and then a follow-up comment or inference. “That’s a beautiful blue dress. You must love the ocean./That’s one of my favorite colors as well./Reminds me of the Mediterranean.”
Make sure that she knows she is a priority in your life. Even if it’s just someone you met and are chatting them up, you want to make them feel special. If you are buying a round, you should approach your crush and ask her what she wants first. If she’s trying to get through the crowd, get ahead of her and make space.
If your friends come up and say they are going to the next bar, tell them you’ll catch up, but are currently enjoying your conversation. After your meet-cute, don’t wait too long before texting her. When you are planning a date, let her know you are willing to move things around (but not drop everything) to make time to see her.
At the end of the day, there is no magic pill that will make everybody you meet like you. Some women will be disposed to like you, and others won’t. And that’s okay. But if you can start incorporating more positive and interesting traits into your life, you’ll naturally start attracting more people.
Remember that you can’t make a girl like you. All you can do is show interest and be interesting, and hopefully that’ll be enough to tip the scales in your favor. You can practice these skills with coworkers, friends, and family members. The more interesting and likable you become, the more people want to introduce you around. The more you’re invited out, the more likely you will be to meet your gal!