I Have Forgiven Her and Want it to Work Out. Am I Wasting My Time?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My wife and I are separated. She was unfaithful three times this last month, but I was unfaithful 19 years ago. We have been married 21 years. She wants to divorce and after a couple of months, get married again so we can have a clean slate.

I have forgiven her of all and want to work it out. But am I wasting my time, or is this true?

-Mike R. (Washington)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

OK, I’m confused. Your wife wants to spend thousands of dollars of the family money in divorce court and maintaining two separate residences, just so she can marry you again? I can understand her need for some kind of symbolic ritual to create a “clean slate” in her head, but divorce is not the way to do it.

I suggest a week-long couples retreat that culminates with you two reinstating your vows. Bottom line: You two need to have open communication so you can understand why she had those affairs. Affairs are always the symptom of a bigger problem. And that’s what you need to uncover before you can proceed.


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