I Have Forgiven Her and Want it to Work Out. Am I Wasting My Time?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
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Reader Question:

My wife and I are separated. She was unfaithful three times this last month, but I was unfaithful 19 years ago. We have been married 21 years. She wants to divorce and after a couple of months, get married again so we can have a clean slate.

I have forgiven her of all and want to work it out. But am I wasting my time, or is this true?

-Mike R. (Washington)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

OK, I’m confused. Your wife wants to spend thousands of dollars of the family money in divorce court and maintaining two separate residences, just so she can marry you again? I can understand her need for some kind of symbolic ritual to create a “clean slate” in her head, but divorce is not the way to do it.

I suggest a week-long couples retreat that culminates with you two reinstating your vows. Bottom line: You two need to have open communication so you can understand why she had those affairs. Affairs are always the symptom of a bigger problem. And that’s what you need to uncover before you can proceed.


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