She Doesn’t Want to See Me Anymore. Can I Change Her Mind?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

A girl I didn’t know but who knew me from high school liked old pictures of me through Facebook. It sparked my attention and I started to chat with her.

The first date was amazing. The second date was also great fun. Plus, both the dates ended with nice kisses.

After the second date, I tried to find a day we both could meet, but I didn’t succeed. I can’t help but think she decided she wasn’t going to meet me anymore

What I can’t seem to understand is why she changed her mind after two great dates. Can I get her to change her mind?


Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Shaul,

Here’s the crazy thing about first and second dates: One person can be thinking it is the best date of their life and the other person is feeling a tad underwhelmed.

We don’t know exactly what she experienced, although some women do give nice kisses out of politeness rather than attraction. It’s like they think they have to be a good hostess.

But other things could have happened. Her heartthrob ex could have walked back into her life for one final hurrah. Her job or school could be overwhelming. Her mother could have come to visit.

Or maybe she just felt you liked her too much. Plenty of people get mistrustful of behavior that seems to be too much, too soon.

Can you get her to change her mind? Probably not. But the best chance you have is to lay low for a while. Stay happy and busy – too busy to even think of her.

In a few weeks, send a little hello text and see if she responds quickly and with more words than you. If not, then you have your final answer.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.