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To buy or not to buy? That is the age-old question.
There have been a number of discussions around whether or not a man should buy a woman a drink at the bar.
Opinions range from the point of view of pickup artists, who insist that you should never buy a woman a drink, to those of women who maintain that you should always buy drinks for women — no matter what the situation.
To paint a picture for you, let’s run through a few hypothetical — yet very realistic — situations in which you may find yourself.
You see a stunning girl across the bar. You ask a bartender to send her a drink and make sure to mention it’s from you. She happily accepts the drink as she looks directly at you to ensure she knows who her benefactor is.
You and your stomach butterflies make a leap across the room to introduce yourself because now you are convinced that drink acceptance means an open invitation to a conversation. WRONG.
When you get to the other side, your every attempt at a hello is met by a cold stare or complete disregard. She continues carrying on a conversation with her girlfriend (or worse, with the jerk who just came up and started talking to her while you were making your way across the bar).
Depending on the part of the country you’re in, you just lost between $5 and $25 trying to woo a woman who will never recognize you again even if you should fall on her from the ceiling.
You walk into a lounge, assess the situation and park yourself next to the most beautiful creature at the bar. You “accidentally” rub against her a few times to ensure she knows you’re there.
That last time may have been too much thrusting, as you felt your hip twist into the most humanly unnatural position and a sharp pain goes shooting from the bottom of your toes all the way up to the top of your head. No pain no gain, right?
At least you know you got her attention, as she turned and nodded politely. You immediately ask her what she is drinking, and no sooner can she finish sounding “mar-ga-rita” that you repeat the magic word back to the bartender who could not serve it to her fast enough. Great.
With your drink in her hand, your prodding and her nodding, you can now have a conversation. She follows along. You have a fascinating discussion about the humidity your city has experienced in the last week and the alleged conspiracy of clothes designers because how else would you explain orange being in style?
At some point you realize the only way you can keep talking is if she agrees to have sex with you first — right here at the bar.
As she does not look like she means to do that, at least not until you take her out a few times and listen to some more fascinating stories about the latest Cosmo poll and what the girls at work are wearing, you beat a hasty farewell, vowing to not recognize this woman even if she should fall on you from the ceiling.
Depending on the part of the country you’re in, you just lost between $5 and $25 on a woman who gave you enough emotional trauma to keep you away from bars for weeks or maybe months.
You walk into a bar and after assessing the situation, place yourself strategically between a brunette and a blonde. As you are keeping your options open, you maintain your attention evenly divided between the two, listening to the blonde chat about her yoga class and the brunette lamenting the failures of the latest local elections.
You don’t want to offend either of them, and as a result, the only cocktails they are drinking are the ones they bought themselves. After a while, the brunette decides to leave, as she realizes this is going nowhere and she already has plenty of friends at home. She does not need another buddy to spend time with.
Clearly you are not showing any romantic interest in her, so she bids a hasty farewell and is gone before you can say “phone number.”
That in turn prompts the blonde to realize she has to wake up early for her Pilates class, and she follows the brunette right out the door. What the heck? There was no hint of romantic interest anyway.
Depending on the part of the country you’re in, you just saved between $5 and $25 on a drink, but you are going home empty-handed.
So what should a man do? Does he, or doesn’t he? To answer that, I will draw you the fourth and final scenario to illustrate what should be done.
You walk into a nightclub and assess the situation at the bar. You spot a beautiful woman and walk up to her. You have a few opening lines prepared (other than “Hi, I’m Jerry. What is your name?”).
She seems interested. She is laughing at your jokes and flirtatiously twirling her hair at you. As you speak, you notice her moving her finger up and down her wine glass, as if stroking it.
You move in for the kill and ask if she would like to find a quieter spot to talk. She quickly agrees.
As the two of you remove yourselves to a dark corner couch, you find yourself lost in this woman. The feeling seems to be mutual.
When the waiter approaches, it is then and ONLY THEN should you turn to her and ask what she is drinking. You are now buying a drink for a woman whom you would like to know better and who is interested in you.
Depending on the part of the country you’re in, you just invested between $5 and $25 in your potential love life.
Should you have any questions or need additional clarification, just ask.