What Good is Confidence if Women Don’t Give You the Time of Day?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

Women say confidence is very important, but what good is having confidence if women don’t give a guy the time of day?

I’ve also heard if you don’t have (confidence) it, fake it. The problem with that logic is the woman will see through it over time.

What do you think?

-Brian (Oklahoma)

Dr. Wendy Walsh:

Dear Brian,

You’re right. Confidence must be real. Faking it backfires every time. However, how does one become confident if a guy is feeling rejected by women?

Here’s the secret: I think life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, if you think you don’t have a chance with women, you will unconsciously choose women who will reject you so that your belief system will be validated.

Confidence starts by silencing the critical voices inside your own head. It continues by basing your self-worth not on people’s reaction to you, but on loving yourself and being proud of your own values.

Self-love is sexy, but it is very different from selfishness. Self-love means caring for your mental and physical health and being compassionate toward others.

I highly suggest you talk to a therapist or counselor about other ways you can authentically work to increase your confidence.


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