Being quarantined and apart from your support system during COVID-19 may magnify the already challenging nature of breaking up. Typical post-breakup activities and distractions, such as grabbing a drink with a friend or going to a workout class, may not be feasible or safe due to the coronavirus outbreak, and you may feel generally more isolated, anxious, or down due to the current circumstances.
The changes in sleep, appetite, mood, concentration, and energy that commonly occur post-breakup may feel harder to manage while quarantined. You may feel anxious about the logistics of breaking up and moving, and how to handle your living situation safely. And that may cause you to wonder whether you should avoid breaking up during the pandemic and wait it out.
However, if you want to exit your relationship, or if you were recently broken up with, know there are many smart strategies you can follow to keep your well-being in check during the pandemic.
Here are five tips for breaking up during COVID-19:
1. Deal With Decisions Safely and Effectively
Breakups can ignite an impulsive feeling to pack up and flee or seek immediate physical distance from your ex. The end of a relationship can make it feel unbearable to even look at your ex or be in the same living space.
This is a natural protective response, so first of all, don’t judge yourself if you are in a state of shock or panic. What’s important is being extremely thoughtful and careful when planning logistics because some actions you may be tempted to take for a quick separation such as staying in a random hotel or jumping on an airplane to go back to your hometown, are not as easy and safe in COVID-19 times.
Breakups stir up a lot of emotions. You want to calmly work together with your partner, so you both can get through this.
While you may not be on the same page or on the warmest of terms during the breakup process, do your best to work together to brainstorm a plan that is safe for both parties. For example, one of you may temporarily stay with nearby family.
Or if that isn’t possible, you could sleep in separate areas of your home while you settle on a long-term plan. Make it a goal to deal with finances, division of items, and your living situation fairly and respectfully while remembering that you are navigating really tough topics in the middle of a pandemic.
Managing your emotions plus COVID safety protocol during a breakup may feel overwhelming, so be patient with yourself and your ex, remembering this is hard for both of you.
2. Take Time to Grieve and Process Your Feelings
It’s natural to go through the various stages of grief after a breakup. You may experience sadness, anger, denial, and redirected hope for new beginnings (or a mix of all of the above).
Dealing with these feelings may be a lot to sort through, especially when your usual supportive activities and relationships are not as readily available. Give yourself permission to process what happened and feel your grief.
This includes processing your actual relationship, what went wrong, breakup event(s), how you feel about your relationship ending, and what you need to move on. Often we give too much power to our exes to find closure, but the real healing occurs when we make room for our feelings and make peace with what happened in our own hearts and minds.
Remember that this is a process that is not linear and takes time.
3. If You Need to Continue Cohabitating During the Pandemic, Set Clear Rules
In an ideal world, once broken up, you would easily gain physical and emotional space and end contact for at least temporarily to achieve closure and healing.
However, during the pandemic, you may decide to continue to cohabitate for some period of time. If this is the case, it’s essential to set boundaries and ground rules, and make adjustments to your routine. For example, instead of cooking and eating dinner together, maybe you can cook and eat separately.
Work together with your ex to ensure you are on the same page.
Or, if you are the one initiating the breakup, maybe you can sleep on the sofa and give your ex your bedroom. Avoid sending mixed messages or continuing a sexual relationship post-breakup as that will create more confusion and hurt.
Resist sexual and romantic acts, and give each other space (both emotionally and physically), remembering that you are broken up even if you are sharing the same home.
4. Once You Have Separate Residences, Stop Contact and Communication With Your Ex
A clean break will help you heal and move forward whereas continued contact and connection will breed confusion and attachment, making it nearly impossible to move forward.
Even if you have the goal of being friends in the future, a period of separateness will be helpful in accepting the end of your relationship. Communicate how you will handle social media and mutual friendships and the times you inevitably will run into each other (post-pandemic).
Be upfront about wanting to distance yourself from texting, phone calls and in-person time together, and don’t give in out of guilt or awkwardness. It may be uncomfortable expressing your needs, such as a desire for no contact, but it’s really important to look out for yourself first and foremost.
5. Connect With Your Support System and Invest in Yourself and Your Own Life
Again, there’s no denying that the pandemic has made life far from normal. There are many restrictions on our social lives and how we spend our time.
However, it is incredibly important to continue investing in meaningful relationships (and your relationship with yourself). In your post-breakup grief or sadness, you may find you lack motivation to reach out to friends and family or participate in activities.
Your friends and family will be more than happy to listen to you and offer advice if you’re looking for it.
However, isolating yourself too much is bad for your mental health, so push yourself to connect with your trusted support system and be honest about what you are going through.
Connect through Zoom, Facetime or socially distanced walks or time outside. Sign up for online dance or workout classes, book clubs, religious services, museum tours, etc. There is so much going on in the virtual world, including dating (when you are ready!).
Breaking Up Isn’t Easy, So Don’t Beat Yourself Up About It
Breaking up can be hard in normal times, so go easy on yourself as you navigate the unchartered waters of breaking up during the coronavirus outbreak.
It may take more careful planning of logistics, such as moving or separating items, and it will take time to heal. But, with the right tools and support, you will get through it.
