He Has Trust Issues. Could That be a Red Flag?

Reader Question:

The guy I’m currently dating is someone I met from the platonic section on Craigslist five months ago. We eventually chatted every day through email and text messages. I had crush on him, and he said he was interested in hanging out. But he never asked me out.

Eventually I confessed I had a crush on him and he said he had one, too. He said the reason he didn’t want to hang out is because he has trust issues. More than a month later, he finally agreed to hang out, and we go out about once a week. But he won’t tell me his last name, age or birthday.

What do these questions have to do with trust? Could that be a red flag?

-Cheryl (Pennsylvania)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Cheryl,

This isn’t a red flag situation. This guy is landing under a tarp of red parachutes. He’s so secretive that I even worry about your safety!

Let me get this straight. You met a stranger online, you fell into an email/text crush based mostly on your own imaginations about this guy, you hounded him to go out with you, he gave you a warning about his psychological health, and now he won’t even tell you his name!!!

Cheryl, I know what it’s like to want to feel loved. I know what it’s like to imagine a guy is fabulous when you haven’t got much info to go on. So you are totally forgiven for this girl crush behavior, but, honey, this is downright creepy.

The mother in me even thinks he won’t give you his last name because of what an online search will reveal – and it might even include criminal behavior. Hint: People who don’t trust others often don’t trust themselves either.

Please don’t see this man again until you’ve gotten his full name, age, contact info and have done a criminal background check. I don’t want to see your photo on the Nancy Grace Show with me.

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