Reader Question:
I met this guy online. We had one date and it went amazingly. After, he came back to my place, and we talked, kissed, laughed and eventually had sex. He stayed the night and gave me this really long kiss when he left in the morning.
However, ever since then, he has been fairly aloof and unresponsive. I flat out asked him if he wanted to see me again and if we could go on another date. He said perhaps, but now he thinks I’m crazy and clingy, which I’m really not.
How do I remedy this? I really like this guy and I don’t want things to end before they even got started.
-Kyla (California)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Oh, my dear, dear, sweet Kyla. If I am to be a card-carrying member of the girls club, I better tell you about your rookie mistake. We gals who want to trade sex for attention, caring and commitment never ever ever ever have sex on a first date. That is, if you want the relationship to be about more than sex.
He gave you that long goodbye kiss because he was either saying goodbye forever or telling you his body is about all you’ll ever get out of him.
The biggest difference between men’s and women sexuality is men can have sex with the same woman for months and never fall in love. Having sex will not make a man like you any more than not having sex with him. On the other hand, not having sex can really make him notice you.
As for women, we tend to bond through sex. That’s why you are still thinking about this booty call while he’s on his merry way.
The other problem with rookie women is they may believe the sexual double standard is gone. It IS gone. But only in the minds of women. Most men still believe that if you “put out” early on, you are not girlfriend material.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you used protection and this hard-hitting news will protect you from future disappointments.
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