He Became Aloof After Our Date. How Do I Remedy This?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I met this guy online. We had one date and it went amazingly. After, he came back to my place, and we talked, kissed, laughed and eventually had sex. He stayed the night and gave me this really long kiss when he left in the morning.

However, ever since then, he has been fairly aloof and unresponsive. I flat out asked him if he wanted to see me again and if we could go on another date. He said perhaps, but now he thinks I’m crazy and clingy, which I’m really not.

How do I remedy this? I really like this guy and I don’t want things to end before they even got started.

-Kyla (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh, my dear, dear, sweet Kyla. If I am to be a card-carrying member of the girls club, I better tell you about your rookie mistake. We gals who want to trade sex for attention, caring and commitment never ever ever ever have sex on a first date. That is, if you want the relationship to be about more than sex.

He gave you that long goodbye kiss because he was either saying goodbye forever or telling you his body is about all you’ll ever get out of him.

The biggest difference between men’s and women sexuality is men can have sex with the same woman for months and never fall in love. Having sex will not make a man like you any more than not having sex with him. On the other hand, not having sex can really make him notice you.

As for women, we tend to bond through sex. That’s why you are still thinking about this booty call while he’s on his merry way.

The other problem with rookie women is they may believe the sexual double standard is gone. It IS gone. But only in the minds of women. Most men still believe that if you “put out” early on, you are not girlfriend material.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you used protection and this hard-hitting news will protect you from future disappointments.

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