He’s Leaving for Deployment. What Should I Do?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website, www.ExpertOnlineDating.com, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month. I’m 18 and he’s 20. I do truly love him, but I guess he’s having doubts because he’s leaving for nine months for deployment.

In his past relationships when he went overseas, they forgot about him and moved on.

He sent me this message saying he doesn’t want me to wait for him. I struggle with him not being able to text back when he’s working, so with the less communication while he’s away, there’s no way I will be able to handle it.

What should I Do?

-Brittania (North Carolina)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

He may love you and while his past may be influencing his current actions, he may also just be realistic.

Dating while deployed is tantamount to some of the hardest dating you can imagine. He knows this from not only his own experiences but even his comrades, whom he is no doubt very close to while deployed.

Even married couples with strong foundations and previous experiences dealing with deployments struggle with that much time and distance apart from each other.

Being together a month isn’t a lot of relationship foundation to see you through nine months of that much struggle and turmoil. He knows this very well.

And there’s nothing worse for a serviceman than having the hope and expectation of a love waiting for him to return only for it to turn cold while he’s a way and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Trust me and trust him. If you already know you can’t handle the separation, this situation isn’t something to take lightly in the least. His job is going to be hard enough. Don’t give him false hope.

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