Childhood isn’t just about making great memories. It’s giving us the building blocks toward adulthood.
I don’t always realize how many of my assumptions, biases, and habits come back to my childhood experiences (until my husband oh-so-helpfully points them out).
I want to talk about how those early experiences influence our future relationships and dating styles.
A child’s development influences the skills and behaviors that shape him or her as an individual. Here are few tips regarding childhood experiences and how they influence your dating skills.
1. Lacking Social Skills
If you find yourself feeling a little socially awkward, you might look at back to your childhood. You may have been exposed to statements like, “You can’t be part of this game,” and just like that you found yourself playing alone and couldn’t figure out how to be a part of the group again.
The same way five-year-old you might have obsessed over being accepted by the other kids, you might still be over-analyzing social appearances, situations, or events. This can make you nervous about expressing your thoughts or worried that people will judge you.
Because these feelings of social insecurity were not resolved in childhood, they might be shaping your relationships as an adult.
You may have convinced yourself that you do better on your own. That’s going to lead to a life of isolation.
Early childhood educators address social skill issues in children by helping children discover their unique traits and talents, so they feel more confident about themselves.
As an adult, you can use this technique to enhance your social skills. We all are unique individuals with our own strengths, and feeling good about ourselves is a naturally attractive trait.
2. Communication Issues
Do you sometimes have a problem asking for what you want? Would you do anything for your partner, but feel like your needs aren’t being met? Is it because you don’t speak up enough?
As children, our communication skills shape how we engage with others. For some kids, it can be hard to just ask, “Can I play, too?”
Shyness can be a factor in early communication issues. Children may feel hesitant. They may be afraid of rejection, or they just might not feel comfortable or confident jumping into a conversation. It’s important to overcome those blockers.
Adult problems are bigger than loneliness at recess. Usually emotional issues can only be addressed and solved by emotional vulnerability. Which is undeniably scary.
It’s important that you communicate your feelings, needs, and desires to your partner. Even if it’s a hard truth.
3. Difficulty With Problem-Solving
Problems come up every day, and we have to deal with it, hopefully with our partners being a help and not a hindrance!
When it comes to dating, you need to master negotiation, boundary setting, emotional regulation, and communication. Problem solving is a very complex topic that children learn to tackle via playground games and sibling or peer-to-peer interactions.
Educators use this simple strategy to help children successfully solve problems: name the problem, find a solution, apply the solution, and evaluate the solution.
This method works for adults too. It can give you a big advantage when it comes to resolving conflict in your relationships
4. Low Self-Esteem
As young children, we never doubt ourselves. We jump off the swings with both feet.
Self-doubt is a learned trait you develop over time — sometimes by not having enough support when you needed it as a child. Unfortunately, lack of emotional support can have lifelong effects.
When it comes to dating, self-doubt can make you seek out incompatible partners or sabotage relationships.
Building confidence in yourself is a necessary step toward finding a meaningful relationship.
Set realistic goals and practice self positive talk; remind yourself every day that you’re a good person with a lot to offer.
It might feel awkward at first, but stick with it. Over time, you’ll feel that self-doubt start to shrink. It’s a learning process.
5. You May Be Attracted to the Wrong Types of People
Do you always attract the wrong sort people? People who are incompatible with your long-term relationship goals? The root of this problem could be from your childhood if you didn’t have healthy role models.
Children who are exposed to toxic relationships might grow up believing that people are dangerous, unsafe, or untrustworthy. This results in a tendency to seek out emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or otherwise incompatible partners. It can cause a fear of intimacy.
To break this pattern, you need to be honest with yourself and commit to making a change. As a child, you were powerless to change your situation. However, as an adult, you control your life.
You can unlearn these behaviors by loving yourself and realizing that healthy, fulfilling relationships are within your reach.
Childhood Doesn’t Have to Define You
Some things that happen to us when we’re children can’t be avoided, but what you can do as an adult is reflect on the past and work toward a successful future. The way you approach dating and behave in relationships is in your control.
