I Think He’s Thinking About Her. How Do I Get My Emotions Under Control?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’m in a very happy and loving relationship with the most wonderful man, but when I see a female who is attractive, I automatically think he’s thinking about her. The worst is when we’re watching TV, and if there is any nudity or sex scenes, I don’t want to watch it anymore.

I don’t want this to cause problems with us now or in the future. He told me men are visual beings and they can’t help but notice other females.

How can I get my emotions and feelings about this under control?

-Stephanie V. (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

He’s right. Men are visual. And here’s a little secret: The key to long-term monogamy and a happy sex life is a rich fantasy life for both partners.

If you plan to be with him for the long run, and you’d like a good sex life, then know that both of you will sometimes be thinking about someone else. My personal favorite is George Clooney!

So, if he shows no signs of actually cheating, nor disrespects you in public by paying way too much attention to other women, then this issue is clearly yours. Claim it and name it: Fear of abandonment.

The good news is that this is an easy one to fix in the private confines of a therapy office. Try your local university for affordable clinics.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

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