I Think He’s Thinking About Her. How Do I Get My Emotions Under Control?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

I’m in a very happy and loving relationship with the most wonderful man, but when I see a female who is attractive, I automatically think he’s thinking about her. The worst is when we’re watching TV, and if there is any nudity or sex scenes, I don’t want to watch it anymore.

I don’t want this to cause problems with us now or in the future. He told me men are visual beings and they can’t help but notice other females.

How can I get my emotions and feelings about this under control?

-Stephanie V. (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

He’s right. Men are visual. And here’s a little secret: The key to long-term monogamy and a happy sex life is a rich fantasy life for both partners.

If you plan to be with him for the long run, and you’d like a good sex life, then know that both of you will sometimes be thinking about someone else. My personal favorite is George Clooney!

So, if he shows no signs of actually cheating, nor disrespects you in public by paying way too much attention to other women, then this issue is clearly yours. Claim it and name it: Fear of abandonment.

The good news is that this is an easy one to fix in the private confines of a therapy office. Try your local university for affordable clinics.

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