Reader Question:
I met this guy at the laundry mat. We texted every day for a month. We met up a couple times within that month. Yes, we did have sex.
Then the texting became less and less. What he has told me was he’s been really busy and kind of down.
We both agreed to have a “friends with benefits” thing, but I’m not sure how you go from communicating every day to nonexistent.
I like him and would like to hang out with him, but I seem to be the only one communicating with little to no response.
Where do I go from here?
-Nancy (Florida)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Dear Nancy,
Here’s the deal: Men who extract sex from women don’t need words and communication. They don’t need friendship either.
They just need to know you’ll respond to their text when they are horny.
You entered a no-strings-attached sexual relationship and you thought it would entail at least verbal communication. Who knows what he thought he was entering.
One study of men showed the more sexual partners they have had, the more they perceive “diminished attractiveness” in each new mate. In other words, having sex with him makes him like you less.
It’s a race to the bottom for them. Each sexual conquest disappoints them more.
The only way to be different and get a guy to notice you is to show boundaries and control the pace of the sexual relationship, even if the only thing you are negotiating for is friendship.
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