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Dr. Wendy Walsh
We all know the scenario. You’ve just returned from a party and are getting ready for bed when your partner makes a snide comment about something you said or did at the event.
The sting makes hair rise on your back and you come out swinging in defensive quips.
Before you know it, you are in a full-on relationship war. Old conflicts are being dug up and the war of words drags on.
There’s this folklore that to have a healthy relationship, you have to promise to never go to sleep in the middle of a conflict.
The thinking is probably related to the idea that going to bed can be interpreted as stonewalling or abandonment.
Also, couples might like to imagine a fight that comes to a complete resolution might reward them with good “make-up sex,” or at least a good night’s sleep.
Fights happen. In fact, fights most often happen when we are tired or drunk and the hour is late.
To force ourselves to stay awake and argue when our highest self isn’t present might only make matters worse.
You may say things you regret or you may overreact to something you might shrug off in the bright dawn.
1. If either partner is too tired.
2. If either partner is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.
3. If either partner is under stress or duress related to something else (i.e. a work crisis or the health crisis of a loved one).
Instead of pointless, lengthy arguments, make an standing relationship rule to throw in the towel on late night rants. But promise to revisit the topic in the light of day and after a good night’s rest.
Trust me, with a little shut eye, your brain will be in full gear and your ability to compromise will be in good shape.
Remember the best way to fight is to remind yourself how much you love the other person while you are arguing.
Have you ever gone to bed mad?
Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.