Why Do I Go On Dates That Don’t Lead to a Relationship?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

Why do I go on so many dates and none of them lead to a relationship? No, I am not weird or do or say things to turn someone off. I’m a very decent student going in the medical field. I’m very attractive, so they tell me (not to toot my own horn). No, there is no sex. I often wonder maybe I don’t show that I am also interested. I’m kind of shy and reserved when it comes to dating. I also feel like there’s a lot of competition out there, meaning maybe another girl reciprocated the same interest and guys gravitate more toward the one who shows they want them just as much.

-Ansa (Michigan)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

It’s a very tough time for young women in the dating world. While the perception of female sexual freedom has some joining a so-called “hookup” culture, others want a traditional relationship and are very aware of their “count.”

Thus, most women are under pressure to have plenty of not-too-much sex. And they wonder if other female competition is being more flirtatious and sexual to attract guys.

I think you are doing the right thing by not being too sexual. That way you will find a guy who is looking for a girlfriend rather than a short-term sex partner.

But, on the other hand, you do need to be open, happy and receptive. That may mean working on your giggle and your hair flip. That doesn’t necessarily tell a guy you want sex, but it does tell him you like him. Learning to flirt with boundaries is an art, and you’re learning it.

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