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I’ve been a matchmaker and dating and relationship coach for many years, and I’ve studied relationships and been in relationships for many years. In that time, I’ve worked with people from different backgrounds who all were seeking to learn how to live happily with their partners. And I’ve learned to identify the glue that keeps couples together.
Learning to think like your partner and sharing your way of thinking with him helps keep the intrinsic nature of the relationship invigorating and interesting.
Here are my top three ways to keep a gay man interested in you:
One of the tell-tale signs of relationship strength is two people working together to navigate a new environment. I’ve always recommended traveling with a partner for more than just a weekend to get a clear picture of how the two of you handle the good times (e.g., being in a romantic destination) as well as the bad times (e.g., the airline misplacing your luggage).
To me, traveling with a partner also gives you an idea of his strengths and whether his strengths can compensate for your weaknesses. Nothing can be achieved if a dating couple knows how to build a fire, but no one knows how to cook.
I like to think of a relationship as an equation. You know the answer to the equation — living together in love and harmony. But to arrive at that answer means recognizing and knowing how to deal with all the variables thrown into this equation.
Both partners have to work at sorting out the variables in a committed relationship to get the same outcome. Stress can consume a relationship when both partners aren’t making the same effort, and the equation lacks balance and organized flow.
One person may think he has the better tactic and misses the opportunity to consider a different way of doing things. Being open to looking at problems from different perspectives helps make the process of solving the equation a collaborative effort, and that’s the best way to ace your “test.”
I would like to think that once you both have reached a threshold of comfort, it’s OK to fall on your face if something goes haywire. You’ve achieved a level of trust that allows you to feel secure in being your true self with your partner and vice versa. We all need to admit to ourselves and our partners that there are times when we are at our worst.
By the same token, reaching a stage where you don’t have to hide your feelings will allow you to celebrate your victories together more deeply. Life’s adventures allow you to learn from the good as equally as you would learn from the bad.
We likely have all experienced the comfort of a predictable life. Knowing something or someone is there for us from one day to another builds routines that creates a sense of security in our lives. That’s a good thing. From that safe place we can plan and dream.
But comfort and predictability can sometimes lead to complacency. Stepping outside of what is routine adds spice to life, which is why it’s important to find time for surprises along the way.
Let me break it down for you: I remember dating someone who would almost always surprise me with a bouquet of flowers and an Aperol Spritz on the weekends I would spend with him.
I never expected it. He just knew I loved that drink, and he took note that having flowers in our domestic environment put us both in an overall better mood. It kept things interesting for me as I realized he was listening to me without me actually saying the words “I wish sometimes you would bring me a bouquet of flowers and make me an Aperol Spritz.”
If you’re single, you can work on surprising yourself by breaking out of your comfortable and predictable dating habits. One of my favorite stories from my matchmaking career about a client who only wanted to date men taller than 5 foot, 10 inches.
I thought I would experiment, so I introduced him to some men who were 5 foot, 8 inches tall. I wanted him to see things more from of a macro level than a micro level.
I thought height might not matter if my client’s potential partner had other more important things in common with him like his lifestyle and career endeavors. Although I didn’t introduce this client to the love of his life, I received a rather interesting call from him months after his membership had ended.
He thanked me for introducing him to shorter men as he was now engaged to one and was happier than ever. His adamance was a blind spot in his idea of true happiness. I’m happy he took the leap, and, when he did, he realized the grass was a little more interesting on the other side.
Every relationship has its highs and lows. That is just human nature. Some couples run into stressful times, while others in similar circumstances might not. An internal radar for these types of situations is an amazing tool to have to keep a relationship strong and interesting.
For instance, you know your partner has a really tough work week ahead, and you find yourself having a less cumbersome one. Why not meal prep and do the laundry for yourselves that week? I doubt your partner would object.
There should be some sort of natural cadence to a relationship that makes it flow and come from a place of gratitude.
When I first moved out to Los Angeles nearly 11 years ago, I came straight from a small town in Georgia. Whenever my new buddies and I would go out to eat, we would often take turns paying for each other because we all had that mutual respect and admiration one another.
However, I started to realize that my new friend group was making me pay almost every time. Before moving to L.A., I was never programmed to think someone was taking advantage of me. I never had to think that way. I would consider myself naive back then, but it made me realize a very valuable lesson.
It made me realize that, if I’m interested in someone, whether it’s platonic or romantic, things should remain equal.
My grandparents’ relationship was always equal. They would always do things for each other to keep things interesting, respectful, and loving. Their connection seemed so effortless and smooth because they were so in tune to one another.
When they would travel together, my grandmother would cook, my grandfather would do the dishes. Together they would take my brother and I bowling as kids because they enjoyed us enjoying the time with them.
My grandfather once said, “Washing the dishes for your grandmother was probably the only hard thing I had to do.” Knowing that their relationship was truly special and easy, it made me realize that this is the relationship I deserve and want.
Being with someone you like is a wonderful feeling, and we all often worry about keeping that momentum going in a relationship. If you’re courteous, kind, and observant, then it should be pretty easy to do. Spending time together and making small, gracious gestures will really go a long way.
However, make sure that you’re not ignoring your own wants, needs, and feelings while you’re trying to please your partner. It’s a two-way street to keep a relationship interesting.