Lesbians Listen Up Two Dates Does Not Mean Were A Couple

Lesbian Dating

Lesbians, Listen Up: Two Dates Does Not Mean We’re a Couple

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Are you listening to this? Two dates doesn’t mean we’re a couple! That’s way too soon, even if the sex is great. It’s was too early to consider yourself attached to someone, who honestly, gay girls, is an almost total stranger.

Now she might be the hottest stranger you’ve been able to get two dates with in a long time. She might be the nicest, kindest and gentlest woman you’ve spent a few hours with in years.

You could be all excited because you’ve finally met someone who wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail and cycle the Blue Ridge Mountain Parkway.

But I’m not changing my mind. Two dates does not make a couple and neither does three dates.

Stop rushing.

The gist of what I want to say is to stop rushing into calling everything a relationship. Dating is something we do to have fun, to get to know a woman and find out if she’s someone we want to get to know more deeply.

The big hurdle for lesbians is that once we’ve tipped the velvet and swung into bed with each other, we’ve got some kind of weird chemical connection that makes us feel connected.

It’s true that our body chemistry does this, but the rest of you — your mind and body — are in a different place. That amazing orgasm does create an immediate emotional connection, and OMG, that can so get you into trouble in the short and long run.

So I’m going to keep this tip short and sweet. You are not in a real relationship after two dates (or three or four). You may FEEL there is a lot of potential. You can be really excited about how much fun you are having and how much you have in common. Those feelings are so much fun.

 

“Dating is about finding out

who a woman really is.”

When can you say you are in a relationship?

My advice is to wait three to six months. Keep your eyes open to see if your deepest values are shared with this woman you are dating. Keep your eyes open and ask questions that let her reveal if you both want the same or similar things in life.

If after a few months it’s clear she doesn’t want to get married and you do, then you’ve got some choices to make. Let go of your dream to stay with her or move on.

Many budding relationships start to crack at about the three-month mark. If it is showing signs of wear and tear already, take that as a sign that it’s not going to work very well at the three-year mark.

The next big marker is the six-month mark. How are you doing at six months? Still mostly have a lot of fun with each other? Or are the fights and disagreements escalating? Woops! Again, not a great sign.

The biggest mistake gay girls make is to believe your lover will change or you can make her change. You can’t. You do know this but you keep running the fantasy romance movie in your head that she’s changing for you.

Stop that. Dating is about finding out who a woman really is in her deepest parts and not about figuring out if you can change her.

She can’t change you. You can’t change her. And two dates is not a relationship!

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.