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When you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, everything is so exciting because you’re getting to know someone, and no one can do any wrong. As time passes, you may start entering into the commitment stage, and then you start seeing if your partner’s habits are something you can deal with for the long term.
Let’s identify seven of those key qualities that can cause someone to fall out of love.
You haven’t been single long enough to know your own value. I think a lot of gay men like the idea of a relationship, but not the actuality of a relationship.
Most gay men who are ready for a relationship have been through the dating and relationship gambit for a while and start picking themselves apart in a good way: what they can’t and what they can offer to a partnership.
When gay guys are blindly figuring things out as they go, I feel it’s quite the slippery slope, and the relationship’s foundation starts to feel faulty.
If you’re new to the whole relationship thing, regardless of your “resumé,” it’s important to be self-aware and acknowledge that. We always need to love ourselves first and find that independence. That allows us to love someone wholeheartedly. How much you value yourself is a direct reflection on how you can value someone you love.
I want to have the conversation of an open relationship vs. a monogamous relationship. It’s important to identify a person’s take and/or experience with this notion. There is no right or wrong answer, but to assume someone is like you is where things can start to fall apart.
If you aren’t comfortable with an open relationship, it’s important to ask the question: Why are you not open to that lifestyle? Open relationships require a lot of communication, trust, and negotiation at times. If this is something you aren’t comfortable doing right from the get-go, then it’s best to be honest and move on if you’re not of a like mind with someone.
I also want to talk about sexual chemistry in terms of frequency, compatibility, and your need of physical touch. To be open in this conversation is pivotal at preventing a relationship from falling out of love.
Where does physical intimacy lie on your relationship totem pole? This doesn’t have to be all about actual sex either. I have found that more sexual individuals need to be with other sexual individuals. If you’re really adamant about a certain sexual preference, make it known.
It isn’t someone’s responsibility to be what you want them to be. Sex should be easy and exciting, and too many rules and regulations can swiftly steer a relationship toward treacherous waters.
When conflicts happen, it’s important that we go into the mode of hearing someone and not playing the blame game. A psychologist once told me that we should always speak in hypotheticals to guide a person to self-realization as opposed to playing that blame game of sorts.
For example, you could say: “I understand that you’re angry, and thanks for letting me know. I love you. Now place yourself in my shoes, and can you get a sense of how I am feeling based on the situation?”
Gratitude is huge when conflicts arise. Nothing bad can come from telling someone that you care about the relationship. We should always come from a place of active listening and love. It’s the best way to be mature and to tackle the actual source of a discrepancy.
Communication is the actual glue to all relationships. Without it, a tower of sand can become a muddy mess when rain comes.
I have coached and actually been in relationships myself where our compatibility changed over time. Sometimes we grow out of love, and it’s important to recognize that.
Most of the time, this natural change ends amicably. Maybe his career started to flourish, and you’re fine with yours and the lifestyle you want to live. Maybe you feel like you’ve grown a significant amount of independence in the relationship and don’t need to be reliant on your partner for a lot of things anymore.
Those types of major shifts are natural because we’re ever evolving humans with the life experience and the interactions we have. Those factors can cause changes in our mindset and personalities, and result in a shift in our attraction and compatibility.
I look at a lot of relationships in the Midwest or even the South, where I’m from, and I see a lot of self-proclaimed old-fashioned couples stay together because of a religious pressure. With this, a relationship is only glued together from a trivial societal opinion and not how that couple operates internally.
A relationship should always feel like work. Not necessarily work that feels cumbersome and troubling, but work that’s always changing for the better and work that you feel is always in a place of optimistic growth and communication. Life is too short to feel as if you’re drifting with the tide.
Some people feel that they grow a lot more being in a partnership. However, I can see where being outside of a relationship and finding your independence again is equally as good.
As I mentioned earlier, I think finding your worth, going through life experiences, and figuring out your strong and weak points in a relationship are equally as important.
It’s easy for us to be blinded by love and to realize that we are willing to do anything for the person we love. However, I think there’s a moment that we must ask ourselves: Am I making this decision to change what best suits someone else, or am I doing it to benefit us as a couple?
Most people would say they need to feel independent in a relationship, but it’s also really good to acknowledge one’s independence outside of a relationship. Some people can get so caught up in a relationship that they don’t realize they’ve been molded into someone they are not — sometimes even unintentionally.
Dating is something that is always evolving. That can either be a gift or a curse. When we first meet someone, we gather the materials and at least create a foundation or a road map. Some people already have their map laid out, and a lot of people will find that extremely attractive.
The thing about these maps is that we don’t know the destination at some points, but it’s OK because we’re figuring it out together with our partner in crime. Sometimes the path is a little rocky, and there are moments when we close our eyes and thankfully smell the fresh air.
However, sometimes the rough patches we have worked through in life make us change. That change can cause an internal shift within us — altering our preferences, personality, or even relationship goals. I would like to think that choice comes from a place of selfless love because our companion understands that the love they shared was something truly special and not something that creates sorrow.
Of course, I am a serial optimist, and I think nothing wrong comes from that mindset. And, if the departure comes as a sudden shock or even disparaging, we gather that journey and realize that we have already created a completely different map for a better future.