He Noticed Another Woman. Should I Go Out with Him Again?

Gina Stewart
Gina Stewart Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I went on a date with a fella I met on Match.com. In person, it was very comfortable, with stimulating conversation and common interests.

The thing that sunk me was his comment on how pretty our server was. Then quickly he backpedaled and said “but your pretty, too!”

It was sort of a letdown from that point. I kept feeling he must be checking her out the whole time. He did not even compliment me (I thought later). Otherwise, it went well.

I did the lame thing and emailed him a bit of how that made me feel and how I was not sure if, since my Match membership was expiring, I would be interested in dating.

I would like another perspective here. It was the first date that went well in a long time for me. He wanted to meet again.

-Kerri (Missouri)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Ugh. What a foot-in-mouth dumb guy move to make! Somebody give me a voodoo doll so I can shake this guy straight!

I feel your disappointment, Kerri. There is no good excuse for him saying that. You know that. He knows that, too. It’s why he tried to backpedal so fast.

Here is something I know about human nature: Regardless of your relationship status and even how happy you are in a relationship (or with your date), so long as you have eyeballs, you will notice other people on the Earth.

Good looking or not good looking, as a human, you will still take notice.

It doesn’t mean you want to be with that person. It doesn’t mean you are looking to cheat. It doesn’t mean you don’t want the person across from you. It just means a person has eyeballs.

This guy has eyeballs. Is that any excuse for him to have made that comment and deflated your good first date juju? No. Obviously.

But you let him know that wasn’t acceptable to you, so he has a clear benchmark of how he can behave to earn YOUR pretty. Give him another shot to.

Guys do dumb stuff, but give him one benefit of the doubt pass under the banner of “he has eyeballs and a weak filter muscle.”

He may just rise to meet your expectation. If he does anything in such poor taste again, you can loosen your filter when you tell him to hit the road.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.