We Broke Up But She Still Flirts. What Should I Do?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I dated this girl for a short time. In that time, we had fallen head over heals for each other. One day out of the blue, she just breaks up with me and says she’s not over her ex.

After a couple of weeks, we started chatting again. She is back with her ex mostly (she says) because we were together for such a short time and it never happened to her before, falling hard for someone so quick.

Regardless, they have had six years on and off together.

I feel like now I am getting to know her in a different way. I still love her. We have flirtations on text messages. She texts me on weekends even when she is with her.

What should I do?

-Gabby (Florida)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Gabby,

Here’s what I know:

While this woman was falling madly for you, she’s been texting and communicating with her ex the whole time.

At some point, they decided to reconnect. That may have included jumping into bed with each other. At that point, she broke things off with you.

Now she’s back in some way with her ex and she is texting you and flirting with you. Can you see this? She may not be doing this intentionally, but she is playing with you and you are letting her.

She’s playing it safe with both of you and keeping both of you engaged while not committing to either of you fully.

What should you do? If it were me, I’d stop communicating completely. I’d tell her if she ever makes up her mind that she wants to be with me, to get in touch.

She can’t have it both ways unless you are willing to play that game. And that game is a heartbreaker.

Find someone who really wants to be with you and shows up for you. This woman isn’t and won’t.

The decision is yours to make. Choose for your own well-being.

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