He’s 25 and I’m 20. How Do We Handle the Age Difference?

Brian Rzepczynski
Brian Rzepczynski Updated:
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Reader Question:

I recently met this guy who I really like. He told me he had screwed up every other relationship in his life and didn’t want to screw this one up.

He admitted that I was everything he had hoped to find in a person. I told him I did like him back.

Randomly he texted me and said his life was insanely busy but that he still liked me.

I asked him what happened and he said he is older than me (he’s 25 and I’m 20) and it was starting to bother him.

I really like this guy and want to have things work out, but I want to know whether or not it is worth pursuing and what I can say to help him feel more comfortable with the age difference.

-Shane (New York)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Hi Shane!

I know this will probably be disappointing to hear, considering how smitten you have become with this man, but when someone tells you in the very early stages of dating they are too busy and you probably don’t want to be involved with them because of everything they have going on, believe them!

When this happens, they are usually sending you a covert message that they are not emotionally and physically available for a relationship. You will likely be relegated to the back seat because of all the distractions, intimacy fears and/or other priorities he has going on in his life.

You deserve someone who is enthusiastic about being with you and is passionate about spending time with you and seeing where things develop. You are still within the same age cohort with being 20/25, and this is not a significant age difference that could impede a relationship and is likely another deflection he’s sending.

Stay strong and true to the fact that you deserve someone willing to put in the energy required of dating, and unfortunately your friend does not appear to have the readiness at this particular juncture.

Protect yourself against men who send these types of signals. Wishing you all the best with your search!

Dr. Brian

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