Why Age Doesnt Really Matter

Gay Dating

Why Age Doesn’t Really Matter

Kelley Berg

Written by: Kelley Berg

Kelley Berg

THIS DADDY is the nom de plume of Kelley Berg, who is learning to find the joys and challenges that come with aging and dating. He eagerly shares his opinions and experiences with intergenerational dating in his blog, "Buck Up, Princess." Visit toppist01.blogspot.com for more information.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Discuss This! Discuss This!

I recently received an email from one of those large dating sites which posed the question, “Age – How Much Does it Matter?”

As someone who dates intergenerationally, in gay parlance I am a Daddy (an older guy who prefers to date younger), I definitely believe age matters…to a point.

You can’t imagine how much flack I receive from guys my own age for this preference.

Recently I met a nice young man through a website which caters to gay intergenerational dating.

On our first date, he told me his friends, all early to mid-20s, thought he was a “freak” for being a self-declared “lad” (a younger man who is attracted to and dates older guys).

Is such criticism warranted? 

No. Members of the LBGT community receive enough criticism from other sources. We don’t do ourselves any favors by adding to this barrage of criticism.

People like what they like. As long as people are seeking relationships for healthy and positive reasons, such criticism shouldn’t occur.

Is it reasonable for guys of different generations to date?

Yes. If, of course, the two individuals involved enter into it with their eyes open and for the right reasons.

Sometimes older guys date younger guys only for their looks or to show them off to their friends like a trophy. A lot of younger guys date someone older because they want someone to”‘take care” of them.

Are those good reasons for any kind of relationship? No.

“Younger men bring vitality to daily life. Such a relationship

allows an older man to exercise his need to nurture.”


Why would guys of different generations want to date?

Society and the media tells us older men, unless they look like Harrison Ford or Sean Connery, should not be considered attractive – that a younger man finding an older one so is somehow “off.”

As hard as some might find it to believe, there are actually younger men who find older men physically attractive. Shocking, I know.

What’s wrong with that? Nothing, really.

Older men have their own issues, of course, but in being “older,” they should be more comfortable in their own skin.

They should have mellowed and learned to appreciate and savor things in ways that can only be developed through having lived life and had experiences.

If an older guy doesn’t have these qualities, perhaps nobody should be dating him, younger or older.

Older men who seek younger men are often thought of as “dirty, old men” only interested in younger men for their looks – and some certainly are.

But there are also older men who date younger men for other reasons.

Younger men bring vitality and exuberance to daily life. Such a relationship allows an older man to exercise his mentorship skills, his need to nurture and to use his paternal nature, which he may not be able to do in a relationship with a peer.

Do such relationships work?

Sure. Like any relationship, one that crosses generations will have its own special issues.

The happiest, most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had was with a man 22 years my junior. He wasn’t looking for a parent or a caregiver. I wasn’t look for a toy or someone to control.

We were just two people attracted to each other, who enjoyed spending time together.

I grew a lot during our time together, as did he. We loved each other and, though now in a different way, we still do.

So doesn’t that mean it was a good and healthy relationship? I think so.

If you are a younger man who prefers to date older men, do it. If you are an older one who prefers to date younger, do it. If some people don’t like it, tough. Life is just too short.

At least, that is what THIS DADDY thinks.