Can You Still Be In Love Even If She Drives You Crazy

Lesbian Dating

Can You Still Be in Love Even If She Drives You Crazy?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Can two lesbians be in love and not compatible? Love is one thing and compatibility is another, so the quick and dirty answer here is hell yeah!

We’ve all watched or been that couple who fought like two cats meeting up on a fence at night, and cat fights are some of the nastiest.

What is love?

Love is a crazy combination of biology and behavior. Our hormones are an amazing mix of chemicals that create all kinds of feelings, attractions and behaviors, and what we call love is certainly one of them.

Science has discovered there is a love drug – a high potency cocktail of hormones that fires up what we call chemistry or attraction and gets us stuck to each other chemically and emotionally even when we can barely get along with each other and hardly know each other.

What’s sexual attraction got to do with compatibility? Absolutely nothing!

Our search for love and compatibility is driven by our deep need for acceptance and meaning through human contact and connection. It’s that place of being with another human being where we feel safe right down to our core.

Ultimately that’s what we are looking for when we think of love – a deep abiding sense of safety and acceptance that isn’t going away.

“You need to focus on what’s

great about your lover.”

What is compatibility?

Compatibility is being able to get along. It’s not about personality traits or even liking the same things. It’s about being able to deal with the day-to-day things of life, and that includes sex, money, your relationship and kids.

It’s a willingness to do the work of getting along and negotiating as you go along what will and won’t work for each of you. It’s a commitment to deep respect of your differences as individuals who are creating a relationship together.

The most compatible couples are those who are willing to see each other through rose-colored glasses forever and always.

That’s a skill set anyone can develop with practice and commitment – to take your eyes off the fact your partner burps, leaves messes around and watches football incessantly and focus on the fact she cooks dinner for you when you have to work late, does laundry really well and is as committed to saving money as you are.

Compatibility is about what you focus on in a relationship. I can tell you from personal experience what you focus on grows in power.

When you focus on what doesn’t work or the not so happy spots in your relationship, that place is going to look worse and worse for you.

If you focus on what does work and what is great about your partner, the tension of the hard spots eases up. With practice, what’s good grows and blossoms.

This is the trick loving couples have that others miss.

It’s not that either partner is perfect. It’s that they don’t focus on that. They don’t give a lot of energy or thought. They’ve embraced that no one is perfect, including themselves.

You don’t need a college degree to learn how to get along. You just need the determination to ignore what isn’t working and start to focus on what does work and what’s great about your lover. Keep that front and center.

Incompatibility drowns out love. Don’t let it. It really doesn’t have to be that way.

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.