Reader Question:
My ex has panic disorder and depression. She went through a rough time and didn’t talk to me for a couple of days, but then she decided to say she couldn’t handle the relationship because of her emotional problems.
It broke my heart, but when I was out with two co-workers who are straight, she got mad at me. She called to work things out.
I feel like it’s all head games, but she wants to be friends. Any thoughts?
-Marie (Connecticut)
Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:
Dear Marie,
Someone with panic disorder and depression isn’t thinking clearly, nor are they able to balance out their emotions.
It’s unfortunate when someone has an emotional disorder that makes a relationship difficult or impossible.
You can’t fix things for her. She has to decide she’s in charge of her life, her emotions and her thinking.
She sounds confused and overwhelmed by her emotions.
Of course, it feels manipulative. It is. She wants you but she doesn’t.
Don’t let her draw your boundaries. Decide for yourself what you need to feel OK and live your life day to day while you heal.
If you stay in contact, expect there to continue to be episodes of uproar. Minimize your interactions, stay with safe topics and don’t discuss your social life.
Even if she has a strong opinion about what you do in your free time, the truth is it’s none of her business.
Wishing you well, Mary
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