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Mary Gorham Malia
“How do I know if the woman I’m interested in is lesbian?” This is a question I hear often from lesbians who are new or inexperienced in the dating game.
How you approach an “unknown” woman shouldn’t be much different than how you approach a known lesbian – or anyone for that matter.
Introduce yourself, say hello and ask her name. Tell her you found something about her interesting and perhaps ask, “Are you from around here?”
Maybe you see a hottie at the bar or across the room at a yoga class or CrossFit. Or perhaps you see her at your local mall or Starbucks.
Wherever it is you’re seeing that hot woman, you’re busy trying to figure out if she’s lesbian so you can ask her out.
Here are a few tips for you to work with in order to get your answer:
If you’re at the local hangout that is usually full of heterosexuals, the chances are good she’s not family.
If you must approach her because you just can’t stand not talking to her, go at it with the thought of just saying hi and getting to know her. Be friendly, not aggressive.
If the location always has a good mix of lesbians, gays and other diverse people, then there’s a chance she could be lesbian or bisexual.
Approach her with the same intention – to be friendly and introduce yourself so you can ask a few questions that can give you a clue.
This is one of the most obvious ways to get a clue about a woman whose appearance isn’t the typical sporty dyke or hippie lesbian.
If her nails are really short and trim, then there’s a chance she’s like you. No lesbian worth her salt has long nails.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! That’s all I can say about long nails.
If it’s gay men, that’s not an indicator she’s lesbian. She’s just gay friendly.
She probably won’t be terribly offended if you approach her to connect and ask her out. She’ll laugh and say no thanks with a smile.
If she’s hanging with very straight-looking women, who all have long manicured nails, she might not be very friendly about being approached. Her friends and the context say don’t go there.
Is she giving you flirty signals? If you don’t know what flirty signals look like, they include prolonged eye contact.
Other signals could be her looking at you, turning away and looking at you again, turning her body to face you or touching you repeatedly if you’re actually sitting by each other.
If you’re not getting any of these signals, she doesn’t even know you exist.
Talk about the latest Ellen DeGeneres show, “Modern Family,” musicians like Tegan and Sara or the latest professional athlete to come out.
First, you’ll find out if she’s lesbian friendly. Then she may spill the beans right way or you may have to dig deeper.
If you’ve connected with someone who is deeply in the closet, then all bets are off. She probably won’t say anything and won’t give you real clues.
And that’s the way the ball bounces. You’ll need to be brave and charming. Then take a chance.
The worst that is going to happen is she says no and you get to move on with your life.
The best is she says, “Why yes, I love lesbians and I date them too! Are you single and available?”
Then your little lesbian heaven is just around the corner!
Gay girls, have you ever been scared to approach a woman because you didn’t know if she was lesbian? How did you overcome that fear?
Photo source: favim.com.