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So you’ve met a woman who vibes with you the right way. She’s not only attractive, but she’s thoughtful, engaging, smart. You really like a lot of things about her.
She mentioned to you she was a bisexual woman, and you decided to take her out. After just a couple of dates, you’re still really into her.
The problem is you’re not so sure she’s into you — or even into the lesbian scene. You’re constantly getting mixed signals. On top of that, you’re wondering if she’ll eventually dump you for a guy.
Mixed signals are the worst. “Come here. Go away.” Yikes!
It’d be unfair to say that bisexual people are confused, fickle, or afraid of commitment. Many are dating on both sides of the fence because they like it.
It’s not all about physical appearance. It’s often about exploring life, getting to know people for who they are, and having many different experiences with different partners.
OkCupid.com did an analysis of people who identify as bisexual on the dating website. What these dating experts found is really interesting.
Bisexuals in their 20s and early 30s make contact with both men and women pretty evenly. By the time bisexuals have reached their mid-30s, they have typically begun dating one sex almost exclusively.
If your attractive bisexual woman is in her 20s or early 30s, she falls into the group that is still open to both men and women, but may turn a corner and “pick a side” later on in life.
She may truly not be that into you. She may just be having a lesbian experience for the moment. She may not be sure she wants to be with a woman exclusively or for the long term. She’s still figuring things out.
The good news is if she’s moving into her 30s or older, she’s probably getting to the point of choosing one over the other. Overall, many women are more fluid in how they define themselves sexually than men are.
That means many women coming out later in life who call themselves bisexual and date women are probably going to stick with playing with the girls. That’s nice to know, isn’t it?
“There is no certainty in the dating
world. You have to take chances.”
Are you her first woman? Then you may want to ask (tactfully!) if she’s serious or certain about what she wants.
If she’s been with other women, you can be sure she’s visited the territory and knows more about what she is doing and what she likes.
There are some women who jump into lesbian dating, stay awhile, and then leave. Some people call them hasbians.
A classic example of this is Anne Heche. She was in a relationship with Ellen Degeneres. Then suddenly she left Ellen and was dating a guy. She only dated men after Ellen.
Even at the time she was dating Ellen, Anne was saying she was just trying things out. She said she wasn’t a lesbian, but she loved Ellen.
That’s not uncommon. I’ve heard it from women I know: “I just loved her, but I’m not into lesbians.”
No woman wants to get her heart tied up with someone who could leave her for the other sex.
If we’re being honest, many lesbian relationships end because it’s just not working, not because of a guy.
There is no certainty in the dating world. You have to take chances.
If you’re comfortable dating bisexuals, then please do. You just might find long-lasting love and happiness.
And if you realize she’s just not that into lesbian women, or just not that into you, then you’ll have had a fun bisexual dating adventure and hopefully come out on the other side a better version of yourself for it.