I’ve Developed Feelings for Her. Is She Into Me?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve known this woman for seven months. I’ve developed feelings for her. I’m just not sure if she feels the same or only sees me as a friend.

We text all day and every day. We spend a lot of time together in person.

I am four years younger than her and she has expressed multiple times that she wouldn’t be with someone younger than her. Yet she tells me I come off as very mature to her.

Should I go for it and try my luck? Is she into me?

-Jan (Ohio)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Hi Jan,

Thanks for writing in with your question. My short answer is go for it.

Now for the long answer. Here’s why I say that. I meet women all the time who are hemming and hawing about approaching a woman to ask her out or to say “I’m interested in dating you” because they are afraid the woman will say no.

The truth is she might say no, but you’re busy spinning a story in your head that keeps you from fully living your life.

Ask the question and state your feelings. Do it with kindness and without backing her into a corner. Being backed into a corner would be you saying you love her, you know she’s your soul mate and you are meant to be together. That’s TOO much.

Tell you her like her, enjoy her company a lot and would like to date her if she is open to it. Then accept her answer gracefully.

The two of you have created a very active “elife” with all that texting, so there’s definitely a connection, but knowing if she’s open to being in a romantic relationship requires asking.

I’d suggest you prepare yourself to get a “No, let’s stay friends.” If you get a yes, you can be pleasantly surprised.

And four years younger isn’t really younger unless we’re talking about someone who is in her 20s dating a teenager. That would be too young.

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