I’ve Developed Feelings for Her. Is She Into Me?

Reader Question:

I’ve known this woman for seven months. I’ve developed feelings for her. I’m just not sure if she feels the same or only sees me as a friend.

We text all day and every day. We spend a lot of time together in person.

I am four years younger than her and she has expressed multiple times that she wouldn’t be with someone younger than her. Yet she tells me I come off as very mature to her.

Should I go for it and try my luck? Is she into me?

-Jan (Ohio)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Hi Jan,

Thanks for writing in with your question. My short answer is go for it.

Now for the long answer. Here’s why I say that. I meet women all the time who are hemming and hawing about approaching a woman to ask her out or to say “I’m interested in dating you” because they are afraid the woman will say no.

The truth is she might say no, but you’re busy spinning a story in your head that keeps you from fully living your life.

Ask the question and state your feelings. Do it with kindness and without backing her into a corner. Being backed into a corner would be you saying you love her, you know she’s your soul mate and you are meant to be together. That’s TOO much.

Tell you her like her, enjoy her company a lot and would like to date her if she is open to it. Then accept her answer gracefully.

The two of you have created a very active “elife” with all that texting, so there’s definitely a connection, but knowing if she’s open to being in a romantic relationship requires asking.

I’d suggest you prepare yourself to get a “No, let’s stay friends.” If you get a yes, you can be pleasantly surprised.

And four years younger isn’t really younger unless we’re talking about someone who is in her 20s dating a teenager. That would be too young.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.