The First Date Is Over Now What

Lesbian Dating

The First Date is Over. Now What?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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First dates can be really nerve-racking, especially if you already have an inkling that you may like this fabulous new lesbian who’s showing up.

You had coffee and a great conversation. Maybe you did a casual dinner date and realized you couldn’t take your eyes off of her and it looked mutual.

You said good night with a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek or perhaps an unexpected but wanted first kiss.

You’re feeling really good. You’re feeling great. Now what?

Ask her out again, silly!

And how should you do that?

First, stop overthinking everything and don’t rush to see an outcome in your head. Don’t see yourself already calling her your girlfriend. You still don’t really know her well and she might not know you at all either.

Here’s where you need to pace yourself. Pace your emotions and pace your expectations.

A first date that ends well for two lesbians looks like this:

  1. You both had fun.
  2. You both felt safe or translate that as comfortable with each other. (Let’s emphasis the part about feeling safe. It is a big deal and a lesbian won’t go out with someone who doesn’t make her feel safe. Right?)
  3. You both like the idea of seeing each other again.

That’s great criteria for a second date. First dates don’t have to end with chemistry exploding all over the place. It’s often better if they don’t, as most of those chemistry experiments blow up and don’t last.

“When you’ve had a fun

date, step up and ask her out.”

Here are two ways to ask for a second date:

1. Get it over with before you say goodbye on the first date.

Tell her you enjoyed yourself, it was a good time and you felt really comfortable with her. Then tell her you’d love the chance to see her again. Ask her if she is up for that.

2. Follow up with her.

You can wait until you are home and follow up by text if she’s OK with texting, or follow up with her by phone or email if that is her preference.

Be smart and thoughtful. Ask her how she prefers to be contacted if it hasn’t come up already. Say the same things I suggested above.

If you decide a second date is not in the future, let her know. Give her the gift of acting graciously. Tell her thank you but you don’t feel like you are a good match and you wish her all the best.

That’s it. Keep it simple and stop overthinking the whole process. Stay in the present. Don’t get caught in a daydream about someone you’ve only spent a few hours with.

And when you’ve had a fun date, step up and ask her out. Don’t wait. Just do it!

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