Ashley Madison Review: I Tested It Out for Myself

Overview

Love is my life. I’ve spent 33 years as a dating coach and matchmaker helping singles find partners for long-term relationships, the kind built on emotional honesty and genuine connection. So reviewing Ashley Madison feels like walking into forbidden territory. And maybe that’s exactly the point. The dating platform isn’t trying to serve singles who are looking for marriage. It specializes in “discreet dating.” I think we all know what that means. The old tagline was even more explicit: “Life is short. Have an affair.”

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As a Toronto-based dating expert and matchmaker of over 33 years, I’ve actually been to the Ashley Madison HQ in Toronto. This was many years ago after an online dating industry conference called iDate.

I met the owners and some executives of the site, and they invited me to check out their main office. Anyone expecting sexy velvet and lace would be disappointed. It was just a workplace like any other.

Ashley Madison is not about building relationship capital or creating partnerships to weather life’s storms. The dating site exists to help people explore their options anonymously.

It isn’t subtle, and honestly, I appreciate that they’re not pretending to be something they’re not.

I’ve seen plenty of relationships implode over the years, and I know from talking with divorced singles that failed marriages aren’t as simple as someone waking up one morning and deciding to cheat. Things crumble slowly due to emotional disconnection.

Maybe couples stop feeling curious about each other. Vulnerability gets replaced by resentment. Date nights become nonexistent, and any ideas of romance are completely neglected.

By the time someone’s creating an Ashley Madison profile, there are usually years of unaddressed issues going on in the relationship.

Does that excuse infidelity? That’s not for me to judge. I’m here to review Ashley Madison, not its users. What I can tell you is that this platform is designed around secrecy and anonymity. It tempts people with a temporary escape from their woes. Does it deliver? I’ll get into it.

Registration Made Simple (and Stealthy)

This isn’t complicated. To join, I was required to share the basics: 

• Email address
• Date of birth
• ZIP code
• Gender (male or female)

Ashley Madison gives users the opportunity to identify as “attached” or “unattached.” You don’t have to fill in this information if you don’t want to, but it can be helpful for any matches to know what the situation is upfront.

I could create a unique username rather than browsing under my first name, as is the standard on mainstream dating apps like Match and Bumble. I chose “shyatfirst2025” for my username.

I had to select what kind of relationship I was seeking: non-monogamy, kissing, BDSM, couples, group play, romance, swingers, long-term relationship, cuddling, and hugging. 

And I had to upload a photo and verify it by taking a selfie with my actual camera (this is on the app. The website requires a picture ID to be uploaded). There were face-blurring and masking tools in case I wanted to cover my face. I didn’t use them.

How the Matching Works

The layout is similar to many dating and hookup sites. The first screen is called “Discover.” That’s where I can view men’s profiles. It’s a grid of profile photos, no different than the swiping experience anywhere else. 

Certain accounts are identified as “Prime,” which I assume means they’re paying members.

As a woman, I can message anyone I want for free on Ashley Madison. That’s a great perk. Male members have to buy credits to send messages back to me. I worried at first that would mean fewer messages coming my way…but as you’ll see, I was wrong to worry.

Now, when it came to sending likes, I wasn’t shy about making that first move, and I cast a pretty wide net. I set the search radius for 200 miles from me. I was looking for men in the age range of 40-65.

I always look at online dating as a number game. More likes means more opportunities to be noticed.

The strategy I recommend is no different than on a traditional dating site. Be sure to be very clear on your intentions, and do your best to match with realistic expectations. 

Individuals on Ashley Madison also need to be mindful of whether they want to showcase their full face, for obvious reasons. I saw many men covering their faces, wearing sunglasses, or making use of the blurring tools.

“No pressure, just honesty, fun, and mutual respect with no desire to change either of our situations.” -anonymous user

No one here is in a hurry to commit to anything or anyone. A lot of it is fantasy play with profiles saying things like “Turned on by high heels” or “Let’s chat and see where it takes us.”

Ashley Madison offers a temporary escape, not necessarily a lasting connection. It’s entertainment and distraction from boredom or an unfulfilling partnership.

Some profiles did reek of bitterness and disappointment. Sour grapes aren’t unheard of on other apps, but Ashley Madison did seem like it had slightly more jaded profiles in the mix.

One man expressed a high level of skepticism for matches and demanded women verify their photos and agree to a video date for the honor of being considered as a romantic partner. I did not send a like to his profile.

My Messaging Experience

I was inundated with messages right away. I received over 30 messages within a 24-hour period. And hundreds of men viewed and liked my profile. 

Clearly, many men out there desire a connection with a woman willing to have an affair.

Naturally, as a dating expert myself and someone who knows how to attract someone online, my photos and bio are hard to resist, if I say so myself!

I was gratified to get so many messages, and I could reply for free, so it felt like all the power was in my hands.

I didn’t know what to expect coming into an affair dating site. I wondered if it’d be like a sex site, and I’d get a lot of creepy sexual innuendos coming my way. But that really wasn’t the case.

The tone of the messages was largely respectful and inquisitive. I didn’t feel as if any of them crossed the line. It was surprisingly similar to what I’ve seen on mainstream dating apps.

What It Costs

The Ashley Madison price point for me is $0. That’s true for all women who sign up as well. No paying for any of the features. 

Ashley Madison wants as many women as possible to join and be active, and that’s the reason for the free ride. It’s not done out of the kindness of their corporate hearts. More women will make the platform more desirable to the paying customers: Men.

Male members can join for free and browse profiles, but messaging costs “credits” for them. Here is the price breakdown:

Credits can also be spent on special features like virtual gifts and profile visibility boosts.

The upside of having only men pay for messaging is that it eases the barrier to entry for women and gives straight men confidence that not only will their match be able to respond, but they also won’t be bogged down by freeloaders spamming their inbox.

This isn’t the cheapest dating site for men to join. But it offers discreet billing that ensures the words “online dating” won’t appear on any statement. And it is full of women who know the deal and don’t mind being a mistress. That might alone be worth the premium for some guys out there.

Pros & Cons

I think the biggest pro that brings people to Ashley Madison year after year is that everyone is seeking the same thing: Romance with no strings attached.

People come here hoping to flirt and date without getting caught. Over 91 million people have joined Ashley Madison since its launch in 2001. It’s popular for a reason!

A clear con on this site is that you’re in a place where people’s basic integrity is questionable. How can I trust the information someone is giving me to be 100% honest? This was top of mind for me as I looked at profiles of strangers.

It’s so easy to exaggerate or make big claims about how successful you are in a dating profile. I take it all with a BIG grain of salt on Ashley Madison. 

Safety Features

One of the most unique safety features here is the image-blurring tool I mentioned earlier. It makes it easy to hide one’s identity in photos. There are also private photo albums where you can put unblurred photos and share those once you’ve made a connection with someone.

The onus is on the individual to establish truth and then decide how much and when to share.

When it comes to meeting a stranger online, of course, there is inherent risk. Ashley Madison can do little to mitigate that besides what it’s already doing. It has a block and reporting system for online harassment, and its safety pamphlet urges individuals to carefully vet online matches before meeting in person.

“Don’t rush to share personal details like your full name, email, or phone number. Ensure your connection’s story is consistent.” -Ashley Madison team

Personally, I would also be concerned about being exposed or threatened to get exposed as an Ashley Madison member. There have been reports of data theft and blackmailing in the past.

Ashley Madison takes user safety seriously, especially knowing how vulnerable its members are. Its two-factor authentication methods are on par with industry standards, and it offers an additional Stealth Mode (basically incognito browsing) for members feeling nervous about being seen here.

One safety win that was kind of a bummer for me and my review: My account got suspended. Maybe the team recognized me as a matchmaker?

For whatever reason, when I tried to log in one day, I was redirected to a page requiring me to submit an ID and verify my identity. The site blocked my access until I did so. 

I was impressed (and a little deflated) when my free undercover jaunt in Ashley Madison came to such an abrupt end. It seems the algorithm has found a way to create authenticity alongside secrecy. 

Kind of ironic. You don’t have to show anyone on the site your face…but the platform will need a driver’s license or passport on the backend.

Who It Helps

Clearly, the types of people who would benefit from Ashley Madison are those who genuinely desire to have an affair, playmate, or a nontraditional relationship. They are down to clown, as the saying goes.

As with most dating sites, men outnumber women on Ashley Madison. We don’t have exact figures, but many estimates say the gender breakdown is about 60:40.

Data Breakdown

User Base: Adults Over 18

Attached and single people of all sexual orientations can sign up for Ashley Madison for free.

Popularity: 91 Million

For the last 25 years, Ashely Madison has been among the most popular casual dating sites out there.

Gender Ratio: 60%M : 40%F

Ashley Madison has substantially more men than women. This is pretty typical in the online dating world.

Women have the advantage of being able to message for free, but they also have greater safety concerns than men do.

In terms of ages, Ashley Madison skews a little older than the apps. I saw a few 20-somethings, but the vast majority were over 30.

Ashley Madison Delivers on Its Promises

I’ve spent my career helping people create real, lasting connections, so reviewing Ashley Madison is stepping outside of the sites I typically recommend.

Having said that, I’m sharing my perspective on whether it works, without judging what it is used for. The decision to have an affair is between you, your conscience, and whoever’s waiting for you at home. 

Ashley Madison does exactly what it says. It works as a dating platform pairing people for secret liaisons.

If you’re looking for discretion, you’ll find it. Ashley Madison has a discreet phone icon and billing services to ensure anyone glancing at your phone or your bills won’t see what you’re up to. Though, fair warning, you always risk being discovered should someone who knows you see your profile. 

If you want access to casual daters, this is a great place for eye candy and idle chatting. I got flooded with over messages on my first day. The system works exactly as advertised.

If you’re already at the point where you’re seriously considering this, maybe ask yourself what you’re really looking for. Is it excitement? Validation? An escape from pain you don’t know how to name? 

My first recommendation is to focus your time and energy on resolving your issues with your partner to avoid more complications.

All I can tell you is that Ashley Madison is a legitimate place to find discreet dates. Whether that’s what you actually need is a question only you can answer.