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Sex in your senior years is not only possible, it’s real. The largest sex organ is the brain, after all. And, if both partners are willing, there is way to a fulfilling sex life in later years.
That’s not to say that couples don’t experience a decline in their sex lives as they get older. Many variables contribute to diminished sexual attraction and libido. It’s just normal that at some point in your romantic life, you are going to have to contend with the challenge of getting your senior boyfriend or girlfriend sexually attracted to you again.
Here are my top tips as a midlife dating and relationship coach:
Senior men can have a diminished sex drive if they’re having trouble achieving or maintaining an erection. And there are lots of reasons for erectile function. When your senior man feels his performance is decreased, he may lack sexual attraction and interest for a time. He may feel both frustrated with himself and embarrassed as a man. This is not a reflection on your sexual attractiveness to him. It may just feel that way to you.
Senior women, on the other hand, may experience some hormonal shifts, which lead to vaginal dryness and a slump in their sex drive. Occasional depression is not uncommon with hormonal lows.
Maintaining emotional wellness through exercise and mindfulness meditation can lift the spirits. The hormonal shift can be addressed with natural estrogen supplements, and a change in diet. But be sure to check with your doctor first.
With hormones out of whack and depressive feelings taking up too much space in your mind, personal grooming and dress habits may be affected as well, which can most certainly decrease sexual attraction.
To lift yourself out of your slump, you may want to get some new clothes to boost your confidence. If you don’t want to buy new clothes or can’t afford to right now, you can do some simple things like changing up your hairstyle or the makeup you wear.
I also recommend embracing alluring lingerie. Victoria’s Secret made sexy lingerie mainstream. You can find beautiful colors and touch-me fabrics at the physical store or online.
You can even ask your partner to go shopping with you. The shopping trip itself can serve as a romantic gesture and foreplay for you two. Breathing some life, laughter, and fun into your relationship certainly can boost feelings of sexual attraction.
When your partner notices you’ve changed your appearance a bit and gives you a compliment, you’ll feel great, and be sure to thank them to stimulate their feelings and hormones as well. When you emerge out of the senior sexual slump, compliments and gentle touches are a great way to get things started again.
Health challenges are a normal part of life, especially for those over 50. During those times, neither of you may be taking care of your appearance. But you both need to make a concerted effort to bring sexual vibrancy back into your relationship.
Senior men, let me let you in on an insider secret about the ladies. What stimulates our feelings of sexual attraction is not the same as those for men.
For a man to have sexual feelings for a woman, he first needs to find her visually attractive. For her to be sexy and alluring in his eyes, she needs to look and smell good.
Senior women need different attraction stimulation. Yes, she does want you to make an effort to be your handsome self. However, if things have fallen a bit flat between the two of you for a long time, just putting on your dapper duds, donning a sartorial blazer, and splashing on some aftershave won’t cut it.
You want to stimulate her mind and emotions, not just her eyes. Tell her what you love about her. Ask her about her day. Really listen to her, and hold her hand and look into her eyes while she’s talking. Ask follow-up questions. She needs to know you truly care for her to sexually feel comfortable with you.
Sometimes you need to rekindle the romance with your partner. They need to receive a number of romantic gestures from you over a period of time. They need to feel that you cherish them.
Just buying one rose on Valentine’s Day and ordering takeout pizza for your weekly date night won’t be enough. Women of every age need romantic consistency, and that means your attention on her should be present every day to revive that romantic tenderness.
The best way to rekindle the romance is to vary your gestures and overtures over time. That way your partner feels that your loving overtures aren’t formulaic or pedantic.
You can definitely do a Google search if you need some ideas, but the goal is for your partner to feel that you’re being authentically you. It’s not the bouquet of roses or the nice jewelry that they crave. It’s your appeal to their romantic soul.
Leave some love messages around the house for your partner to find. Play some senior love songs that remind them of when you first fell in love to set the mood.
Performing a variety of romantic behaviors with consistency over a period of time creates the feeling of emotional stability and security many seniors, especially women, yearn for. Your partner wants to know you’ll be there for them. They want you to have their back in a way that has romance, heart, and soul.
Compliments and verbal affirmation go a long way. Your partner needs your sweetness, and to know their opinions are important. They crave your respect.
Men’s hormones can change, too. Some men may experience andropause at midlife just as women experience menopause. This means that his heart and emotions are coming into play now more than they were when he was younger.
Your senior man needs to feel not just that you’re interested in bedroom activities, but that it’s him, in particular, you’re interested in bedroom activities with. He needs you to connect with him during the day before getting down to business, and you probably feel the same way.
With some effort from both of you, it’s completely possible to rekindle the sexual attraction between you and your senior boyfriend or girlfriend. Your sex life can be fantastic after 50!