Kinks Are the New Normal: Survey Reveals 1 in Every 2 Americans Has a Sexual Fetish

I’ll admit I’ve gone down a TikTok rabbit hole and found myself in an erotic corner of the web known as Spicy BookTok. One moment I was happily swiping on reviews about “Fourth Wing,” and the next I had enough sexually explicit book recommendations to fill up my library card quota. 

Spicy BookTok started as a small community for booklovers looking for a naughty read. But its popularity has me wondering: How common are sexual kinks and what can we do to normalize the discussion of sexual fantasies?

I think it’s worth exploring how to have candid conversations about sexual fetishes and fantasies, and I’ve written many an advice article about kinks, toys, and nightly pleasures. If you ask me, talking about sex shouldn’t be taboo. And our latest study of 500 Americans has shown that kinks are way more common than certain prudish relatives led us to believe.

The recent surge of steamy books on BookTok should be surprising to exactly no one who has ever swiped on a dating app and seen how explicitly raunchy and sometimes downright thirsty many singles can be. Kinks seem to be way more common when you can hide behind an anonymous dating profile. So we wanted to know what gives and ask for some anonymous survey answers.

Our survey found that nearly 50% of respondents (men, women, and otherwise) have some form of erotic kink, fetish, or fantasy. Their stated interests — BDSM, swinging, and role-playing — closely align with the trends frequently discussed on Spicy BookTok.

“It’s completely normal to have sexual fantasies. For most people, an orgasm begins with a movie in our minds. Sometimes, if it is emotionally safe to do so, sharing sexual fantasies can even strengthen a relationship by enhancing intimacy,” said Dr. Wendy Walsh, aka America’s Relationship Expert.

Many individuals have kinks that go beyond the fantasy section of a bookstore. The unconventional sexual practices of kinksters can lead to levels of sexual gratification that surpass their vanilla counterparts. You heard it here first — kinky sex is better sex!

“When kinks and fetishes are safe, sane, and consensual, people can feel empowered to have open, honest dialogue with their partners,” Dr. Walsh said. “Embracing and discussing these desires openly can increase closeness and build mutual trust.” 

Knowing the right time to bring up a kinky desire to a significant other can be hard. It’s not really a great topic to explore on most first dates, but waiting years isn’t always feasible either — especially if you’re eager to explore a kink with a partner in the bedroom.

Our survey found that more than 44% of respondents have shared their kinks or fantasies with their partners, and 61% have heard about their significant other’s sexual desires. This is a good sign because honest conversations about sex can strengthen relationships. 

“It’s completely normal to have sexual fantasies.” — Dr. Wendy Walsh, America’s Relationship Expert

However, the data also illustrates that there is still progress to be made with regard to sexual transparency. Despite the trend toward destigmatizing sexual fantasies and fetishes, more than 47% of survey respondents admitted they have never opened up about their sexual desires with anyone — at all, ever. 

“It’s important to note that research from the Kinsey Institute shows that while sexual fantasies can be very edgy, many people have no desire to act them out in real life, and sharing a fantasy need not be a suggestion for action,” added Dr. Walsh. 

Old stigmas surrounding erotic fantasies linger for many people, and while platforms like Spicy BookTok can help break down various barriers around the subject, many singles, daters, and partners are still afraid of the judgment or rejection they might face if they share their specific sexual desires. 

Nearly 40% of people who said they intend to share their fantasies with their partners said they will do so within the first year of dating. Such a conversation doesn’t need to be scary or awkward. And it doesn’t have to be formal, either. Sure, you can go all “Fifty Shades of Grey” and write up a contract if you want – or you can simply say to your partner, “There’s something I want to try if you’re open to it.” 

It is essential to have these discussions in the beginning stages of a relationship so you can ensure you are sexually compatible and aligned with each other’s desires. Early conversations about sexual desires and consent can help couples strengthen their communication and build a strong foundation for a relationship that fulfills them emotionally and sexually.

The first year of a relationship usually involves a lot of tough conversations, milestones, and hurdles that couples must work hard to overcome. Sex can be a major issue if partners are not on the same page.

The survey results show that people have different desires when it comes to sex, which highlights a need for more judgment-free conversations about sexual preferences. Based on our research, more people have started celebrating sexual diversity. We need to continue that trend and build environments (on BookTok and beyond) where people feel comfortable being authentic, vulnerable, and sexually liberated.

Over the last decade or so, I’ve noticed a lot more nuanced sexy talk in pop culture, on the internet, and in real life. The conversation around sexual liberation, not to mention the orgasm gap, is so important to today’s dating landscape, and everyone should have a voice in it, even if you’ve never told anyone about your kinks. 

Spicy BookTok plays a vital role in the kinky revolution by challenging outdated perspectives and encouraging honest discussions about intimate desires. Every video, comment, and hashtag helps normalize sexual topics and encourages adults to express their secret bedroom fantasies without fear of judgment. 

I hope this study can help keep the sex-positive trends going. My advice is to talk openly with your partner, your friends, and your loved ones. Let’s engage in more mature conversations about sex, so we can effectively banish the stigmas and taboos that have silenced people for too long.

Let your kink flag fly, I say. This study shows there are many kinksters in the shadows (or scrolling on the internet), waiting for their fantasy to come to light. Whatever kink you’re into, friend, I promise you’re not alone.

In August 2024, we surveyed 500 individuals about the prevalence and acceptance of their kinks, fetishes, and fantasies. The respondents ranged from ages 18 to 65+, with an average age range of 36 to 45. Participants were 56% women, 43% men, and 0.12% chose not to disclose. Additionally, 99.63% of the people surveyed were in the United States.