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|Nick Slade • 11/14/12|
Most men don’t have a clue about what women really want in a man. It’s no wonder then that their partially-filled-out online dating profiles don’t usually give a woman a clear idea of what she really wants to know. And the longer they’ve been away from the dating scene, the worse it can be.
So, how can a senior lady spot the men who are looking for the kind of long-term committed relationship that she wants?
The good news is that most senior guys do not suffer from “fear of commitment syndrome,” which is so common among young men.
Most of these men were settled into long marriages and family lives that not only tamed them, but showed them all of the stability, meaning and contentment that comes with a committed relationship.
Even if they had a rocky marriage, they still know the value and joy of hearth and home. Some may want to gallop freely and enjoy the perks of a new independence for a while, but for the most part, they want a solid dock to tie their boat to.
They want the love and stability of a good woman who knows how to make a house a home.
The best indicator of what a man wants and can handle is how he has lived before. Your first conversations should center around his past relationships, how long they lasted, how many there were and how long he has been on his own.
The “why” can wait, but you need the rundown first.
Four six-year marriages is a yellow flag, but at least he wants to have a woman in his life. One five-year marriage and one 20-year marriage is pretty good, and in some ways, it’s even better than one 30-year marriage that may leave a man less resilient and less able to accept a completely new life with a new woman.
But you can’t know for sure until you meet him.
“Make sure your
feelings are genuine.”
Your intuition is your best friend when it comes to sorting out the inner feelings and struggles of the men you meet online.
Once you have a few good candidates, then it’s time to meet for a face-to-face conversation and evaluation. That’s the time to explore the whys and the wherefores behind his relationships.
The first meeting should not be a date and should not involve other people or major distractions. A coffee house is better than a noisy bar. This is really more of a chance for the two of you to size up each other in person, to keep your sensors open to any chemistry or dissonance and to interview each other in greater depth.
Be mindful of his body language, how comfortable you feel around him and if the mood feels light with laughter or heavy with problems.
Of course, you will be digging for problems and there might be some serious issues to be discussed. Just keep your senses attuned to how forthcoming and open he is. And make sure he looks you in the eye, too.
Congenial compatibility is not necessarily an indicator of his motives or goals. You also need to find out what his plans and desires for the future are.
He may be long-term husband material for somebody, but if your goals are not aligned, it could be a short road to “game over” for you.
It is certainly possible you could meet a man who could make you totally alter your goals and sail around the world with him or get away to a senior condo community in Florida.
Be open to change but weigh it against what you would have to give up. Life is short, and this is no time to be making foolish mistakes. This is an important decision, so don’t be afraid to do your due diligence and check him out in every way you can.
Don’t be in a hurry, and date a few different guys. Make sure your feelings are genuine and that you are not just falling in love with love or settling for a man who fits the mold of what you were used to before.
When you’re sure enough, go ahead and take it to the next level.