How Do I Approach the Subject of Exclusivity With Him?

Bethany Heinesh
Bethany Heinesh Updated:
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Reader question:

I met this guy on Match a month ago. I’m crazy about him. We had the talk and I told him I can’t date several people at the same time, and he told me he’s the same way. Now a friend saw him on another dating site, POF, and saw he spruced up his profile after the weekend he met me. Obviously, he’s still looking around. I already feel lied to but how do I approach this subject with him?”

-Britt M. (California)

Expert’s Answer:


Before you jump to conclusions, let’s give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He may have spruced up his profile before he really got to know you, but now he has deep feelings for you and he hasn’t even been on POF in weeks. Did he update his profile after you had “the talk”? If so, I would be concerned. You may be crazy about the guy but if you already feel lied to after just one month, I would suggest you cut your losses now, and find someone who is honest and truly holds your same values, not just someone who says he lives by the same moral code.

Trust is the most important aspect of any romantic relationship. Actions always speak louder than words, and this guy’s actions may be telling you he’s not “The One.” If this answer just doesn’t jive with you and you want to give him a chance, I would say go at this one head on. Ask him if he is on any other dating sites and see what he says. If he lies, get moving, girlfriend! If he says yes, ask if he is updating his profile to meet other women. Ask him to explain his understanding of your talk and see if he is really committed. Tell him you’re not interested in dating him if he is seeing someone else, and stick by your word. Most importantly, never ever settle for less than the best — you deserve it.