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I was recently talking to another dating coach and he made an interesting comment, “Most people who are good at meeting people in real life make terrific online daters.”
It was an experienced perspective and one worth noting. Here I share with you what that means and some helpful tips to make you successful in either.
One thing I help online daters with is seeming nice, friendly and (most importantly) approachable in their dating profile.
When your online behavior makes you seem welcoming to receiving messages, believe it or not, you get many more messages. Lace your profile with positive and welcoming words, not negative lists, experiences or demands.
The same thing happens in real life. If you seem closed off to people approaching you, people won’t approach. The men and women who get hit on in real life do so because, to quote “Dumb and Dumber,” “They put out the vibe.”
As cliche as it is, smile. If smiling is not your natural state, practice smiling eyes. Practice uncrossed arms. Practice eye contact. Practice open posture. You will start to see differences in your interactions immediately.
Or fake it till you make it! If you’re shy, putting yourself out there is rough. Whether it’s talking about yourself in a dating profile or doing a singles event, it is uncomfortable to throw yourself into the arena where you can meet other singles.
One of the things you can do when feeling particularly nervous about being social is putting on the posture that, for a moment, you’re not you.
If you’re shy about talking about yourself in your online profile, pretend for a few minutes that you’re the type of person who thinks it’s no big deal.
Psych yourself up, whether it’s to sign up for something or just pushing send on an email. It will get you through. Act like you think this confident person would act.
The result is what matters here, not the feelings you have prior to. Focus on making results and you will see your life change!
“Online daters give you a
cornucopia of things you can ask about.”
Since every relationship, both online and IRL (in real life), starts with a conversation, this is a skill you need to practice. People are often afraid to talk to others because they don’t have anything to say.
That was my problem until I discovered this online dating secret: The key to starting and maintaining conversations is the ability to come up with questions.
When you ask questions, you don’t have to talk about yourself. It’s awesome. You seem social but don’t have the pressure of having to talk.
Practice asking questions and (more importantly) practice taking an interest in what people have to say.
The good news is you can practice on literally everyone. In the grocery line, ask someone how they cook the artichokes in their basket. If you are somewhere new and you feel silly or out of place, just be honest by saying something like, “Bear with me. This is my first time. What should I do if I want to ___?”
Being honest humanizes you and makes people comfortable helping and interacting with you.
If you don’t understand what someone is saying, ask them. Don’t be afraid if you don’t know. Most people like to explain things. If they’re rude about it, forget them and move on — that’s their social problem, not yours.
Online daters give you a cornucopia of things in their profile you can ask questions about to generate conversations. Take key pieces of things they say and practice making questions that will generate more than yes, no or one-word answers.
The more you practice asking questions to strangers, the more you’ll notice how much easier your dating life, both online and off, becomes.
Do you notice any other parallels between those who get hit on in real life and those online?