4 Tips If You’ve Fallen in Love After a Threesome

Every couple must negotiate their relationship contract in regards to monogamy. This usually entails discussing one’s values about sex and fidelity.

For some gay couples, strict faithfulness is the norm. For others, an open relationship has been adopted in which playing with others has been permitted — this usually comes with its own set of ground rules for various aspects of this agreement.

One such scenario some couples choose is to have a threesome with an outside party. As with anything, there are pros and cons to opting for this particular sexual scene.

Some men say threesomes can be invigorating, add some extra spice to one’s sex life and are just plain fun and exciting. The downside is jealousy can ensue, one partner can feel left out and one’s relationship can suffer if the threesome is used as a solution to a strained intimate life between the partners.

If you choose to have a threesome, it’s best practice to ensure your sexual relationship with your partner is solid and satisfying, you both check your motives for wanting to pursue a third and the threesome is a supplement to an already fulfilling erotic life.

One additional unforeseen side effect that can occur when pursuing a threesome is feelings can enter the mix. What do you do if you happen to develop a romantic interest for your third or — more dramatic yet — fall in love with him?! Yikes!

This unexpected turn of events can certainly put a wrench in the evolution of what you thought you’d have in your relationship with your partner and can create a host of drama and stress that can have you questioning the direction of your life.

There are four options to choose from if you find yourself at this juncture. There are no right or wrong answers — only you can decide what will be best for you in the long run.

There also are pros and cons to each of the options you’ll need to consider. Ultimately, you’ll need to consult with your values when making the choice you can live with.

There’s a lot at stake with this decision. This is not something you want to act upon impulsively because people may likely get hurt, and you’ll want to make sure you’ve done your due diligence to ensure a responsible decision has been made.

So here are the options to contemplate as you go about your decision-making:

You have a lot invested in your relationship with your partner, and you should realize what you’d be losing if you left him for your third.

You realize it will be in your best interests to discontinue contact with the third because his presence will continue to play with your emotions and create a barrier in your intimate connection with your partner.

You will likely go through a grieving process when you “let go” of your third, and it will be important for you to work through these feelings and channel your energies into reinvesting with your partner and making an appraisal of all the reasons why staying with your man is the best option for you.

You may decide to discontinue any further threesomes and renegotiate your fidelity contract due to the vulnerability that can be created by these scenarios.

Or you may continue with your open relationship and set new boundaries around what’s permissible and what’s not (i.e., only have threesomes one time with a given man).

You also will need to decide whether you tell your partner about the feelings you’ve developed and why you want to alter the relationship contract.

You discover your feelings for your third are too powerful and you’ve received validation that he reciprocates your romantic feelings and wants to explore what’s possible.

There will likely be a lot of pain and hurt when you break up with your partner, also requiring you to work through a grieving process.

It’s important to realize there can be no fair comparison between your partner and the third for what constitutes “real life” love. The feelings you’re having for the third are reminiscent of the “honeymoon period” in a relationship, characterized by high chemistry and attraction.

You have not experienced this relationship in the context of daily life stressors, responsibilities and hardships. You want to make sure your feelings for him are based in reality and recognize the risks inherent in leaving your partner for something that may not be a given.

You also will want to make sure the third matches your personal requirements for a partner and relationship.

You want your cake. You don’t want to lose your partner because of the love and security you have.

You also don’t want to give up the relationship you’re developing with your third because it meets a special need in your life.

The bonus here is it’s like Christmas for you every day. Unfortunately, over the long haul, this option causes excruciating stress and distraction that can lead to burnout and create barriers to intimacy with both men.

This is not an easy long-term solution to your dilemma.

After discussing your dilemma with both your partner and your third, the three of you choose to develop a threesome relationship. Albeit rare, these relationship styles do exist and function well for some partners.

The risk to suggesting this to your partner is he may not go for it and may be hurt by your proposal, which could potentially place your relationship in jeopardy.

Open and honest communication, managing jealousy and torn loyalties and renegotiating the relationship contract will all be important elements to promoting a positive prognosis for this relationship style’s longevity.

So what are your thoughts about this particular dilemma? Are there other options? Have you ever encountered this issue? If so, how did you handle it?