4 Ways To Get A Guy To Open Up

Women's Dating

4 Ways to Get a Guy to Open Up

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Got a silent or emotionally avoidant partner? Perhaps one of the most frustrating relationship challenges for women is the dilemma over how they can’t get a guy to open up.

Verbal women don’t take silent men well and sometimes it’s hard to get your head around the idea that men connect to others much differently than women do.

They may choose to use humor to communicate their feelings instead of mushy, emotional language.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of opening up and being vulnerable. It just takes some time and practice.

Here are some tips on getting a guy to open up:

1. Model emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, express and read others emotions accurately. We develop this skill at a young age and usually develop it by parents who model healthy levels of emotional intelligence.

Essentially, it involves being able to communicate feelings using emotional language.

If you begin to use emotional language with your partner (I feel) when expressing your own feelings, he will hopefully be receptive and reciprocate.

Putting your guard up and failing to communicate will likely result in your partner mirroring your behavior.

2. Dont nag.

Prodding, nagging and attacking your partner for not being completely open will likely only send them further away.

Interviewing them or interrogating them will only result in them being more closed off and reluctant to open up.

Sometimes giving your partner the time and space they need is what it takes for them to open up. No one likes to be probed or prodded about intimate personal thoughts and feelings. Doing this only pushes your partner away.

If you ask them to open up about something and they refuse, take it as a sign they’re not ready to talk about it yet and work on building trust and emotional intimacy.

“Opening up takes face-to-face

communication and trust.”

3. Watch his actions.

Men often use actions not words to communicate how they feel. Even though he doesn’t verbally open up, look for signs and clues that he is connected and feels emotionally intimate with you.

Many men hesitate to disclose personal details but will show you they appreciate your support and understanding in other ways. He may move physically closer, use affection or even do kind tasks or errands to show his appreciation.

Don’t let his lack of verbal communication scare you off unless you are feeling so dismissed that it becomes detrimental to your relationship.

4. Use humor.

People who feel uncomfortable with emotional communication might dip their toe in if the water is warm and frothy.

Make cute jokes about touchy situations, not sarcastic digs, and your guy might joke some information right back to you.

Although women have men far from figured out, we can use our emotional intelligence to help us understand our man and his needs.

Unfortunately, emotional intimacy is farther down on a guy’s list of needs than our own.

That is why it’s so important to take the time to create an emotional bond before moving on to a sexual relationship and avoid relying on digital communication to help a relationship grow.

Opening up and being vulnerable takes face-to-face communication and trust, not sexts and emails.

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