What Is Sexting? Exploring the Nuances of Digital Intimacy

Thanks to modern technology, we can now send memes to friends halfway across the world. We can order hot and fresh food to our doorstep while watching our favorite artists perform live from the comfort of our couches — all with a few taps of a finger. 

So, are we surprised that sexting has taken the virtual world by storm? Sexting is popular, and it isn’t going away any time soon. 

The ways people yearn to connect with and express themselves sexually to others are changing. As technology becomes deeply threaded into the fabric of modern society, the most responsible and realistic thing we can do is commit to understanding how to navigate its nuances confidently.

Let’s get down and dirty, shall we?

The term “sexting” comes from a combination of the words “sex” and “texting.” This slang word is used to describe the naughty act of sending sexual text messages. 

The word has evolved into an umbrella term for many different forms of digital intimacy. 

For example, sexual exchanges could happen over iMessage, Instagram DMs, Snapchat, or email. Your chosen medium could depend entirely on your generation – or how down bad you are.

You could engage in this naughty discourse over written text, or you could turn up the heat by throwing some nudes or sexy pics into the mix. 

At the end of the day, it’s your body and your life. We simply recommend that you choose your adventure based on your comfort levels with your sexting buddy, the dynamic of your relationship, and the desired outcome of the exchange. 

We don’t want to scare you, but there are some risks. We’ll discuss this further later.

Why do people sext? The obvious reason is because they’re horny af, of course. However, it can get more profound than that. For some couples, especially those in long-distance relationships, sexting is a way to nourish intimacy and maintain connection during time spent apart.

For others, sexting is a way of spicing up their virtual interactions. This could be with a current partner (perhaps in a long-distance relationship), a friend with benefits, or even a new match on a dating app. 

Some people view sexting as an intimate act reserved for serious partners, while more experienced sexters chalk it up to cheeky flirting. Again, preference is key! 

It’s all fun and games until someone gets arrested. Keep reading to learn about the potential risks of participating in digital dirty talk.

Age and Consent: Sexting Among Minors

As someone very protective of her younger siblings, I admit that it’s not nice to think about the fact that many teenagers are, despite our delusions, likely sexually active or, at the very least, have engaged in sexual behaviors and dialogue. 

Although we don’t want to shame their human desires or guilt them out of exploring their sexuality at their own pace, it is important to remind minors about the serious risks involved with sexting. 

While the average person could face negative consequences as a result of exchanging explicit content, teens caught sexting could face legal consequences. 

As I recently learned (and subsequently fact-checked) from season one of “Euphoria,” someone who sends or receives naked images of a minor could be charged with producing and distributing child pornography — even if it was consensual. This applies even if both the sender and the recipient are underage. 

So, teenagers younger than 18, heed this warning: We get that it’s fun and you’re exploring, but it just isn’t worth the risk.

Societal Perspectives on Sexting

There was a time when I thought I’d never sext. I was on the tail end of an 11-year stint with the Southern Baptist religion, and I believed that sexting was going to put me on a fast train to “the hot place” (you know the one). 

Then my long-distance relationship happened, and suddenly, my moral high ground slid down my priority list faster than you can say “tasteful nudes.” These fun, freaky interactions kept me and my boyfriend feeling connected and passionate during the long weeks apart, and I don’t regret them one bit. 

However, not everyone shares this opinion. A survey found that 88% of American adults reported having participated in sexting in their lifetime. That means 12% of respondents avoid sexting, perhaps due to personal fears, religious beliefs, or generational differences in communication preferences. 

Privacy Concerns: Risks of Sharing Sensitive Content

Sharing sexy pics with someone you’re dating can be an exciting way to spice up your digital interactions and can help couples create feelings of closeness. Maybe you’re in a long-term relationship and want to develop a sense of intimacy, or perhaps you’re hooking up, and sexting is your foreplay.

However, the downside of sending nudes or naughty texts is that it may not stay private. Once you hit “Send,” you no longer have complete control over what happens to it. Much like I tell my friends who’ve become plagued with baby fever, you can’t put it back in once it’s out. 

I’m not saying don’t sext. Just be prepared for potential consequences. Recipients of your saucy snaps could share them with their friends, leak them as blackmail, or even post them on revenge porn websites. 

I know what you’re thinking: “But they would never do that!” Oh, but they could. And evidently, many do. It can get nasty out there, folks.

Understanding the role that sexting can play in your mental health and relationship health is crucial when deciding if it’s a path you want to venture down. 

In other words, let’s unpack before you get in the virtual sack.  

Impact on Relationships: Strengthening or Straining Bonds

The thing about sex is that it’s not one-size-fits-all. There’s lots of variance in preference, drive, and style. The list goes on and on. 

Sex in the digital space is equally varied. Sexting is still somewhat new to the dating world, and I would argue that even more variance exists in this medium. 

For some couples, sexts could be a staple in their everyday texting dialogue and a highly effective tool for strengthening the bond within their relationship. 

For others, it could be a cause of distress. One partner could want to engage in digital dirty talk more often than the other. A toxic person may even go so far as to make their partner feel guilty when they don’t respond positively to sexting invites. 

That said, without trust, communication, and respect for your partner’s boundaries, things can get sticky quickly —  and not in a good way.

Intimacy at a Distance

If you’ve ever been in a long-distance relationship, you know the pain of not being able to hug, kiss, and (let’s be honest) f*ck the one you love. 

Even though in-person dates would be your first choice of action, sexting is an acceptable second. 

By sending and receiving naughty texts, pictures, and videos, you and your partner can experience the pleasure of each other’s virtual company in real-time and build up anticipation for the next romantic visit.

Self-Esteem & Sexual Exploration

In today’s world of screens and smartphones, it’s unsurprising that many of us struggle to communicate in person. Expressing desires to partners we invite into the bedroom (or your setting of choice) can be challenging. 

Fortunately, sexting offers a safe space for those who lack confidence in their ability to express themselves but yearn to explore their fantasies. 

The ideal scenario is that you offer a new idea to your partner over sext, end up loving it, and then feel more comfortable trying it in person when the moment arises. 

Or maybe you don’t like it, and you scratch it off the sexual to-do list. You’ll never know if you never try, right?

While spicy dialogue can boost confidence in some, it can lead to insecurities in others. If one person in the duo (or trio or quadruple, we don’t judge) doesn’t enjoy sexting, feels pressured, or gets the impression that their dirty talk isn’t cutting it, they could want to ditch their efforts altogether. 

Again, most discomfort in these situations can be avoided with a healthy dose of self-expression and effective communication.

Gendered Expectations

All may be fair in love and war, but all is certainly not fair in sexting. Because of the over-sexualization of the female body, heterosexual women are often sending nudes, while heterosexual men are more often than not the ones requesting them. (Consensually, that is, I’ve received dozens of dick pics in my life, but not one of them was solicited).

Within the gay community, things tend to be a bit different. Gay men, particularly while using apps like Grindr, are likely to send nude pictures to potential sex partners as a way of determining physical attraction early on.

Sexting is a major part of the modern dating experience, and the practice has left many changes in its wake. Let’s unpack a few of them here.   

The Role of Technology

Technology has moved us forward in leaps and bounds, but it would be naïve to say these recent changes haven’t come without a cost. 

While messaging platforms and social media have allowed digital citizens to connect and express themselves in new ways, their anonymity has created certain safety risks. 

For example, if you were to happen to send nudes to a potential love interest using a fake dating profile, they could later upload it to a revenge porn website. It would be difficult to track that person down to face any consequences.

Additionally, it’s fair as a consumer of social media to wonder where exactly your sexy snaps go once they’re sent into the ether. 

Sure, your sexting buddy will (hopefully) receive them, but who else? Tech giants like Meta, Microsoft, and Temu have already been caught illegally mishandling user data. Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison have been hacked by cybercriminals in the past 10 years. At this point, it’s safe to assume that online data is not secure.

Sexting Laws & Social Norms

Sexting is a trend that keeps things exciting but also has some detractors. Many religious groups see it as an inappropriate or even sinful act. But the majority of young people now place it under the umbrella of standard dating practices.

It’s impossible to know how sexting will evolve alongside the rapid technological changes online. Chances are it will become more normalized — at least throughout Western societies.

The legislation surrounding sexting — which varies widely within the U.S. and internationally — will hopefully adapt to protect those who participate in sexting with good intentions, especially minors.

Education and Awareness

Regardless of whether you’re familiar with the eggplant emoji or just recently stopped unironically including it in texts to your local gardening club, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the complexities of a modern sex life when deciding the role that sexting is going to play in your life if any at all.

As a teen or young adult, educating yourself on the dangers and laws involved in erotic chatting can minimize the risk of adverse outcomes, such as bullying, blackmail, and emotional distress. 

As a parent, you could ensure that this education happens by opening a dialogue about sexual activities (no matter how uncomfortable it may be).

I can sit here and tell you that I have your best interest at heart until the cows come home, but until you hear it from the horse’s mouth (I’ve got barn animals on the mind, apparently), it may not mean diddly squat. 

Keep reading to discover firsthand accounts and experiences with sexting. That’ll get you one step closer to determining whether digital intimacy is for you.

Positive Experiences of Sexting

Reddit offers thousands of forums where real-life topics are discussed by everyday people who contribute personal stories. 

One topic that you can find plenty of juicy tales on is — yup, you guessed it — sexting. 

One Reddit user explains that she finds sexting to be fun and empowering:

“When I sext with my boyfriend, the main goal is to get us off. But it’s also my little way of reassuring myself that I decide what to do with my body, and I get to decide which risky behaviors are worth taking.”

“When I sext with my boyfriend, the main goal is to get us off.”

Another user says this form of digital intimacy has helped her gain sexual confidence:

“I started because I’m a very sexual person and sexting was an easier way for me to discuss intimate things with my partners. I found it hard to ask for what I wanted or needed in the bedroom in person so this way was easier for me to discuss my needs and fantasies. Now it’s become something I enjoy, like a form of foreplay.” 

Legal Cases & Precedents Involving Sexting

As we touched on previously, minors are at a high risk of getting into trouble with sexting. Dozens of cases have popped up across the United States throughout the past decade, but most seem to do the same thing: punish the wrong person. 

In 2018, Minnesota teen Jane Doe found this out the hard way. After sending an explicit picture of herself to her then-boyfriend via Snapchat, the picture was copied and distributed without her consent. Even though the only real victim here was Jane Doe herself, she was charged with felony distribution of child pornography. 

Thanks to the support of her legal team and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), the charges were dismissed. Otherwise, she would have faced up to 10 years on the sex offender registry.

Cases such as these tie back to the landmark decision of New York vs. Ferber (1982), in which the Supreme Court decided that child pornography was not protected under the law. Although the decision was made in an effort to inhibit the sexual exploitation of children, some believe this legislation should be tweaked in ways that adapt to the digital age. 

Approximately 20% of teens participate in sexting after all, and it may be in society’s best interest to consider laws that protect those who send and receive nudes in a consensual manner rather than criminalize them.

Sharing sexually explicit images to revenge porn websites, however, is considered cyber sexual harassment and should be taken seriously. Every state except Massachusetts and South Carolina has statutes protecting victims from this kind of crime, although there has yet to be a federal law that does the same.

Lessons Learned and Best Practices from Real People

At this point in the technological age, trying to convince people to stop sending dirty texts and saucy pics may be a losing battle. Instead, we could get more bang for our metaphorical buck by focusing on education and awareness. That said, here are a handful of real tips from real people (on Reddit, of course):

“Never ever show your face in the exchange (images, videos). That’s probably one of the most important things.”

– user konnorwalsh

“Don’t show face, tattoos or any other very distinctive features in pictures. Try to use a plain background.”

– user [deleted]

“Try to use the ‘View Once’ feature on any apps WhatsApp, Snapchat, Telegram. Would recommend not to use Instagram because you might accidentally share to story and that’ll be 💀.”

– user mathapp

“Don’t do anything the person you are sexting with wouldn’t do or be willing to do.”

– user hatemythrowaway24

“Don’t be pressured to give anything at all. Consent matters across all modes and platforms. You should be comfortable and feel safe :).”

– user konnorwalsh

You probably think this guide is giving “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” energy, and you’d be mostly right! We would never encourage anyone to do something they’re not comfortable with, but there’s no sense in shaming sexual expression – that historically doesn’t work. 

Instead of trying to halt digital intimacy in this modern age, we can put our best foot forward to navigate its complexities with intention and care. 

That means understanding best safety practices, spreading awareness of the legal implications, considering all potential consequences (good and bad), and, most importantly, fostering an environment of open communication and consent. 

With all of these ingredients in the mix, sexting can be a scrumptious and oh-so-satisfying experience for all those who choose to participate. So, continue educating yourself, weigh the pros and cons, and make the decision that suits your needs!

Happy (and safe) sexting, friends!