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Raise your hand if you have ever heard someone you know say, “I’m going to date older men because they are more mature!”
I know everyone has heard this statement before. For too many, it’s said with the lure of a false sense of security.
Here are a few things to consider when it comes to dating someone older or younger:
While wisdom comes with living maturity, it is only displayed through our decisions and actions.
Just because your new man is older than your last one, it doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on you or mistreat you. His character and values are what will determine how he treats you, not his age.
There are some old men still behaving like young boys. Discern and choose wisely.
Our 20s are when we are trying to figure out who we are and what we want out of life. It’s a time filled with fun, but it’s also probably filled with a lot of uncertainty.
If you’re a 30-something woman dating a 20-something man, you must understand what that 20-something man wants today may be very different in three to five years…or tomorrow!
Usually it’s in our late 20s when we establish more of an identity and focus. This is one reason why when people marry in their late 20s rather than their early 20s, their risk of divorce decreases.
Age gaps in the 30s and beyond don’t usually mean as much and with good reason. These people are more than likely going to be in more similar life phases.
For example, a 40-year-old and a 32-year-old probably will have more in common than a 28-year-old and a 20-year-old, even though they both represent an eight-year age difference.
“The excitement of dating someone
older or younger is the thrill.”
If you are a pretty young thang at 25 or 30, you may think it’s cool or appealing to date a sugar daddy that’s your father’s age. However, you may want to consider a few things.
For one, he is getting older and that affects things like sex drive, health and goals. You may find yourself attending more doctor appointments than dates.
Yes, you both might be at your sexual peaks, but that’s not always the case. While you are thinking about starting a family, he might not have the desire or energy to become an active and engaged parent again.
Another thing to consider is relationships thrive on similarities. It’s hard to be similar when you are from different generations. Your idea of good music is Beyoncé and his is The Temptations and The Drifters. Those make for awkward car rides!
When there is a large age gap in dating, usually one person has an established life, while the other is building one. It’s hard for one party to get excited about the things he or she has already done.
Buying a first house, having a first child, starting a career – those are all things that bring couples together and strengthen their bond, especially when they are shared firsts.
For many people, the excitement of dating someone older or younger is about the thrill and the challenge more than it is about the intentions or the substance.
This goes back to dating with purpose and understanding what you want before dating at all.
Some guys are pursuing older women because they want to be able to brag to their friends or because she will take care of him. Some women are dating younger guys because they have more energy and are more fun.
When the fun slows down and the thrill of the chase fades, is this someone you can be best friends with, relate to and will a mutual understanding with?
I’m all for love, but I’m more for people choosing wisely when making dating decisions. A large age gap won’t be a disaster every time, but please be mindful of some downfalls that may meet you at the bend. Choose wisely, my friends!