Are You Too Picky

Online Dating

Are You Too Picky?

Julie Spira

Written by: Julie Spira

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of She’s the bestselling author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating" and creates irresistible profiles for singles. Follow @JulieSpira or connect on Instagram.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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The conversation started out with, “I haven’t had a date in three years due to work commitments,” from an attractive attorney I met with.

She added, “I joined an online dating site one night, but I haven’t logged on since. I didn’t like the matches they sent me. I don’t think online dating is for me. I guess I really need your help.”

With the holidays around the corner, her anxiety is rising.

I listened to her pain about possibly going through another New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day as a single woman with a big birthday around the corner.

With the energy she puts into her successful career, there was absolutely no balance in her love life. She’s convinced she’s just too picky and that’s why she’s single.

When it comes to relationships, many singles have a vision of their dream guy or the perfect woman.

They often have long lists of their requirements for a date or a mate. They often are the ones who stay home on Saturday nights, while their friends who are coupled up are snuggling by the fireplace talking about their future.

This is incredibly painful for so many singles who say they can’t find a decent guy or girl to date in their town.

I’ve lived in Los Angeles and New York, two of the largest cities in the country filled with many great singles who wish they were in a relationship. Singles in both of these cities say they live in the worst city in the world to meet someone.

I’m here to say it doesn’t have to be this way.

While reviewing her potential online dates, I came up with more than 50 guys she could engage in a conversation with to start filling her date card with the goal of meeting in person.

Sadly, she said, “I’m not interested in any of them. They aren’t my type.”

The first excuse was he’s not geographical desirable. Meanwhile, he lived only 20 to 40 minutes away. I explained that couples are moving across the country and even across the world for love.

Her job could end tomorrow. Then what? She’ll be single and without a job. Not a good situation for someone who truly wants to find someone to marry.

Other excuses include he’s not my physical type. I like taller men with more hair. Really? I explained men and women do shrink over age. In time, the receding hairline will appear on the guy she’s been dreaming about.

If you can relate to this story in anyway, then you are too picky.

If you’re super-successful in your career, why not take some of that energy and put it into spending an hour a day to find someone online to practice your dating skills?

“No one wants to be with

someone who is too picky.”

Let’s look at the opposite situation.

Another attractive woman has been on 73 online dates in 10 months. She’s an Internet dating veteran.

She fills up her date card every week, as guys think she’s hot. She has great photos, a witty profile and an interesting job. Maybe one or two of the men have gone to a second date but no further.

Every day I hear the excuses running from he likes to wear Hawaiian shirts and I hate Hawaiian shirts, to he’s renting an apartment and isn’t a homeowner, to he needs to lose 10 pounds.

She’s made a career out of online dating but is a complete failure at the process, as no one appears to be good enough for her. She comes home frustrated and angry and takes down her profile for a few days, only to put it back up to fill the date card again.

Online dating provides you with a bouquet of potentially fabulous dates, friends and business opportunities. Going on dates with someone who doesn’t appear to be perfect may surprise you when you meet in person.

Sometimes your date will have a better personality than you had expected or even look more attractive to you. If you decide to nix a potential date based on profile photos alone, it will result in not finding someone wonderful to spend your life with.

I challenge you to start thinking of being as successful with online dating as you would with your job. Go out on a few dates with people to practice your dating skills.

No one wants to be with someone who is too picky and no one, yourself included, is perfect in every way.

Is your pickiness getting in the way of your happiness?

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