Single And Still Looking

Women's Dating

Single and Still Looking

Bethany Heinesh

Written by: Bethany Heinesh

Bethany Heinesh

Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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There are at least 43.8 million single women in America. Being single has many benefits. For starters, you have only one person to concern myself with — you. That means your time is dedicated to pursuing your own goals.

It means you don’t have to spend precious energy managing the emotions that accompany romantic pursuits, including insecurity, confusion and overwhelming adoration. Plus, you never have to worry about the toilet seat being up or being forced to listen to football games in the car.

I am aware, however, many single women want nothing more than to find their soul mate or, at the very least, a guy to go to Dave and Busters with. Being single, for many women, is something they would very much like to change and soon. So let me help answer the question that’s plaguing you: Why am I still single?


“For now, celebrate the fact that you

are a fabulous and amazing woman.”

1. You have unrealistic expectations.

Personally, I think someone should sue Disney for planting the idea into the minds of little girls that there is a Prince Charming with whom they will live happily ever after. Sure, you should have standards. Absolutely, you should know what you are looking for in a man. But being too specific limits the number of men who would be compatible with you, significantly decreasing your chances of finding someone special.

There is no Prince Charming, ladies, only imperfect men who will make mistakes and disappoint you. After all, we are just as flawed and could never live up to the Barbie-type woman many men are wasting their time looking for!

2. You’re looking for love in all the wrong places.

If you’re frequenting local pubs looking for a mate, you’re probably wasting your time. Most men go to bars looking for casual sex. If you want to increase the chances of meeting a man of substance, you’re going to have to work a little harder.

Go to places where respectable men hang out. Church, social and professional clubs, community singles groups, nonprofit organizations and colleges are just a few recommendations.

3. You’re not utilizing available resources.

Tell your loved ones you are looking for a mate, and tell them to pass the word. Meeting someone through familiar channels increases the likelihood you will be matched with a worthwhile man, and you’ll be able to get some reliable history on the guy. Being introduced by someone you trust means he comes highly recommended and with references.

4. You’re scaring men off.

If you put out a vibe that you are desperate, clingy or needy, good guys will see you coming a mile away and head for the hills. Likewise, if you have excessive emotional baggage, you are not ready to date.

Do some soul searching and get honest with yourself. What do you have to bring to the table? Are you actively pursuing your own interests and goals? Or are you currently battling your own demons or difficulties?  Remember, you must first be the kind of person someone would want to date before you will attract someone worth dating.

5. You are still single because you are selective.

This is good news! C’mon, ladies, let’s be real. If we wanted to, we could go out today and find someone to date. It wouldn’t be difficult to find some random guy who would love nothing more than to call himself your boyfriend.

But we don’t want just any ol’ body. We want to meet Mr. Right. While I don’t believe in the Prince Charming fantasy, I do believe there is a Mr. Right for each of us, a guy we click with who understands us and loves us just the way we are.

For now, celebrate the fact that you are a fabulous and amazing woman who will one day meet a very special man. When you do, he will be blessed to have you on his arm and vice versa. You may not meet him tomorrow, but I promise when the time is right and the stars align, Mr. Right will show up in your life. And the two of you just might live happily ever after.

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