Do You Want A Pen Pal Or A Girlfriend

Lesbian Dating

Do You Want a Pen Pal or a Girlfriend?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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You took the dive. You put up a profile on an online dating site. Now what do you do?

Well let me ask you: Are you looking for a pen pal or an in-the-flesh, hold-her-at-night girlfriend?

You’re looking for a girlfriend. Right, I knew that but wanted to check with you.

If you’re looking for a girlfriend, then lets get clear on how to use online dating to get that result.

1. Make sure you complete your profile.

Don’t leave it half done or even undone. Get it all done.

2. Get up at least two good pictures of yourself.

That includes a good picture of your face and a full body shot. Let women see what you look like and be upfront about it.

It’s never a good thing to play games with your pictures. If she doesn’t like the way you look, then why would you ever want to be with her?

Get this out of the way right from the start.

 

“Finding a great relationship

is about taking action.”

3. Stop being a pen pal.

Stop sending emails back and forth for weeks on end. Stop sending messages back and forth with no real plan to meet.

Sure you are nervous, but there’s no real chance this woman can be your girlfriend in real life until you meet.

4. Move to meeting face to face.

Don’t wait on this. Make plans to meet someplace easy and on the casual side.

Keep this first date on the short side, a couple of hours is plenty. Then if you had fun, felt safe and found her interesting, ask for second date.

5. Let go of figuring out if she is “The One.”

Relax and be in the moment. If the first date goes well, plan a second. If that goes well, plan a third.

Take it one date at a time until you’re far enough down the road to make a decision to be exclusive. That’s it.

Finding a great relationship is about taking action that gets the two of you in the same room, exploring how well you get along and how well your life, values and goals are aligned.

So dump the pen pal angle, stop wasting time and be the chooser. Ask her to meet and bring things into the real world.

Gay girls, have you ever been worried to meet a woman in person? How did you overcome your fear?

Photo source: salon.com.

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