How Do I Know He’s the One for Me?

You meet someone and there’s a strong physical attraction. You share common interests and you start going out. The new coupling provides lots of thrills, excitement and new adventures.

Several months into the relationship, you’ve given your heart and your body, only to discover you’re not as well-suited as you’d thought. Then you either stay in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, or you end it and someone gets hurt.

This cycle is easily avoided, but it does require getting to know yourself first — your deeper values, must-haves and deal-breakers — prior to jumping in with both feet.

So what are your values? These are fundamental truths that are uniquely important to you. Values are not who you would like to be or think you should be — values are who you are at the deepest level.

Would you prefer a week in New York City visiting art museums and attending Broadway shows? Or would you choose a week of solitude on a quiet lake shore?

If you chose the week in New York, your values might include:

• Adventure
• Learning
• Connecting with others
• Appreciating beauty

If you chose the lake shore vacation, this could reflect values like:

• Enjoying solitude and silence
• Connecting with nature
• Loving simplicity
• Experiencing spirituality

Both choices could express the values of adventure and beauty — just in different ways. Perhaps you’re someone who would choose a week in NYC and a week on the shore!

When you’re confident and clear about your own values, knowing the right mate is much easier for you.

Here are three ways to bring your core values into sharper focus:

1. Think of a time when your life was wonderful, when you felt really alive and excited. What made that time great? What core values were being honored?
2. Think of a time in your life when you were angry, frustrated or upset. What was missing? What were the values that were being “stepped on”?
3. What are the things that you must have in your life (other than basic needs) to be fulfilled?

Assisting in discovering core values is an important piece of the work I do. When you know your top five to 10 values — and take the time to learn a prospective mate’s values — you’re in a much better position to evaluate whether or not he’s right for you.

With aligned values, it will feel like a match made in heaven!