Hes Not Ready For A Serious Relationship Now What

Women's Dating

He’s Not Ready for a Serious Relationship. Now What?

Charlee DeFebbo

Written by: Charlee DeFebbo

Charlee DeFebbo

I am a 20-something professional living and loving at the Jersey shore. I have forever been trying to balance my two weaknesses in life: food and men. Right before turning 24, I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy - a weight loss surgery that limits the amount of food I can eat at one time. I've lost a full 100 pounds since then and kept every ounce of it off. I still have no idea what to do about the men. I've been dating with a conviction that can only be described as religious for more than a decade. Believe me when I tell you that I have seen it all. I started writing about my experiences when I realized there was absolutely no other logical explanation for my bizarre dating life than that I must share it with others, and I've picked up some great advice to share along the way. It may not be popular opinion, but I promise you every word of it is true. Follow Charlee on Twitter.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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So you met a guy and you are feeling pretty into him. You have spent time together and felt the sparks fly.

Now you need a crash course in deciphering dead languages because he just told you he is not ready for a serious relationship.

Does this sound familiar?

Well, sister, I have been there, and I am going to tell you what it really means when a guy says, “I am not ready for a serious relationship.”

Most importantly, I am going to tell you what to do about it.

First, here is the bad news:

It is safe to assume nine times out of 10, “I am not ready for a serious relationship,” is better translated as, “I am not ready for a serious relationship with you.”

When a man finds a woman he is crazy about, he will want to take her off the market posthaste. He will not do this for a girl he has cool to lukewarm feelings for.

Take a look at the other context clues surrounding this guy:

Do the two of you go on actual dates? Does he spend a lot of time on his phone when you are together? Are you meeting up more and more frequently (and spending less and less time clothed) between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m.?

His actions will reveal his intentions.

Take a hard look at what he is doing and you will understand what he is really saying. If this sounds like your guy, then you have some choices to make.

Understand that this guy is not going to wake up one day and decide you are the girl of his dreams. Burn your copy of “No Strings Attached.” It is not going to happen in reality.

If you are OK with keeping things casual until this guy finds a woman he wants a serious relationship with, then enjoy it for what it is.

If being Option B does not sound appealing to you, feel free to bail. There is no explanation required. You are not going to hurt his feelings, and you will probably spare some of your own feelings down the line.

“If a guy isn’t ready for a relationship,

it doesn’t make him a bad guy.”

He really may not be ready for a serious relationship.

You have to cut them a little slack. Some guys are truly being sincere when they tell a woman they are not ready to seal the deal. These guys deserve a thumbs up.

A man who is being genuine about his feelings will probably tell you from the start he is not ready to commit. This gives you the option to back out before involving any pesky romantic feelings.

A good way to figure out if your dude falls into this category is to look at what he is doing.

Did he just experience a major life change, such as parenthood, a career or the dissolution of another serious relationship? Is the time you spend together quality time?

Your guy may recognize that he is not in a position to give you what you deserve in a relationship. This is his way of letting you know that.

It does not make sense that a man who is not ready for a relationship is looking to date someone.

You have options here:

Stick it out with this guy for an unspecified amount of time (this could be weeks, months or years), stick it out until he is ready for a serious relationship or do not wait that long.

Most of us that are playing the dating game are not looking for a pen pal or new best bud. We are looking to make a connection with someone who is on the same page as us.

Besides, even when he is ready, there is no guarantee you will be the girl he wants a relationship with.

After a man tells you he is not ready for a serious relationship, your next move should be based on what you want.

Personally, I would thank him for his honesty and make sure the bartender knows my drinks are on the guy’s tab. I do not have enough time, energy or cute outfits to wait around for a guy to make room for me in his life.

If a guy is not ready for a serious relationship, it does not make him a bad guy. If anything, it makes him a pretty good guy for being open and at least somewhat transparent with his feelings.

If you are also not ready or looking for a serious relationship, this could be a match made in casual dating heaven.

However, if you are hoping for something more, cast that little fishy back and hook one who is able to reciprocate.

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