How To Know Its A Real Date

Women's Dating

How to Know it’s a Real Date

Bethany Heinesh

Written by: Bethany Heinesh

Bethany Heinesh

Bethany has ghost-written hundreds of dating articles in the last 10 years for relationship experts all over the United States.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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To be quite frank, we women have a way of complicating even the simplest of events, gestures and conversations in regards to the men we find ourselves attracted to. We psychoanalyze everything to the point that it drives us psycho from all the analyzing.

On top of that, we spend countless hours dissecting every single moment of our interactions with a potential suitor with our girlfriends. “And then I said, and then he said, and then I was like……what do you think it all means?!” Sound familiar?

We can’t take all the blame for this, of course, because men don’t make it easy for us. They often send us mixed messages, drawing us close and then pushing us away. They are calling us “sweetie” one minute and giving us a fist bump the next.

They invite us out and then stand us up, wanting to be treated like a man but acting like a boy.

The hangout.

One of the most frequent causes for confusion is the hangout session. Are we hanging out? Are we on a date? Are we hanging out on a date?

Because I have been in this situation myself, more times than I care to admit, and I too find myself completely lost on this one, I’ve employed my secret squad of single men to help.

In a nutshell, here’s the message my guys agreed upon: If you have to ask whether you are on a date with a guy who’s interested or you wonder if you’re simply just hangin’ with the homie, you are NOT on a date.

Apparently, when a man wants to take a woman on a date, she will know it. According to the fellas, when a guy meets a girl he has an interest in, he immediately goes into hunter-gatherer mode.

He will score the digits and then call to ask you to dinner or coffee or to invite you to go with him on some type of fun outing. Guys apparently don’t do this with strangers when they are not interested in becoming more than friends.

If, on the other hand, you have a male friend or acquaintance you’ve met through everyday channels like school, work, the gym or a social club and he invites you out, this may or may not be a date.

He may very well think you are a cool chick to hang with but wants nothing more from you than keeping you in the friend zone. Likewise, he may suddenly realize he is attracted to you and want to get to know you on a more intimate level.

Although I would tell you to just come right out and ask, “Are you asking me on a date?” my bachelor buddies advise against this. He may very well be uncertain if he wants to ask you on a date just yet.

Such a direct question might intimidate him or make him feel pressured. If the answer is no, you may lose a real chance to make a great guy friend. In either case, if you’re not sure, go out with the guy with an open mind and make the decision to enjoy yourself no matter where the meeting takes you.


“If he wants to date you,

he will make that clear.”

When you do go on your date, play it super cool.

Take this opportunity to get to know the guy so you can decide if you even want to date him in the first place. Pay attention to how he acts around you.

  • Does he pick up the tab or want to go Dutch?
  • Does he talk to you like one of the guys?
  • Does he make no effort to be close to you?
  • Does he talk to you about other women?
  • Does he hug you when it’s time to part ways?
  • Does he ask you out again?

The answers to these questions should lead you to a conclusion rather quickly because as it was explained to me recently, men just aren’t that complicated. If he wants to date you, he will make that clear to you as soon as possible. If he’s not that into you, you’ll know.

Listen to your intuition. We women have a sixth sense about these things.

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