What Are the Ground Rules for Friends With Benefits?

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

The number one ground rule for a woman in a “friends with benefits” situation is to pretend you are a man. Men are very good at separating the sexual act from feelings of intimacy and love, while women are more likely to feel an emotional bond with their physical lover.

Don’t go into such an arrangement thinking, somewhere in the back of your mind, that you can leverage this sexual tryst into a loving relationship.

Be prepared and willing to be hurt and/or to hurt the friend you are having benefits with. It’s best to do this with someone you are not emotionally attracted to. Find someone who is not your type or is just passing through. If you are out of his league, so much the better.

Limit the benefits and don’t let them fall into a pattern. A couple times a month is easier to handle emotionally than a weekly or regular routine. When you are in “friend” mode at a party or whatever, be a regular friend. No flirting, smooching or romantic overtures.

Keep the relationship almost business-like. When your clothes are on, you are not interested in him romantically or sexually. Undress yourself when it’s time to share the benefits. Be as sexual as you want to be when you’re naked. When it’s over, turn back into the female version of Clark Kent.

Have sex but don’t make love. Don’t say words of love or encouragement. This is not a romance, there’s a difference between love and lust. The sex can and should be very selfish.

Texts should never be romantic and they should never say how amazing last night was. Don’t exchange gifts. Talk about your activity like it’s a cup of coffee. Set the time and place like it’s an appointment for getting your dog groomed.

Keep the kissing and foreplay to a minimum. Do the deed and get completely dressed.

If you’re looking for love, friends with benefits is not the answer. If you’re looking for something that’s better than masturbation and you have the emotional maturity to manage it in a detached manner, give it a shot.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.