Reader Question:
I met this guy two months ago. On the third date, I felt so connected that I ended up sleeping with him. We did some foreplay but couldn’t have sex.
I started worrying and regretting what I did that night. He didn’t seem as affectionate as he was at first. He kept texting me for more than two weeks but didn’t ask me out.
I told him I felt a bit uncomfortable after getting physically intimate too soon. I was not looking for just a fling but more than that eventually. I asked if he wants the same thing. He said he doesn’t know. He suggested becoming friends first. I said yes.
He hasn’t contacted me for two weeks.
Does being too physically intimate make most women emotional like this?
-Emily (California)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Dear Emily,
Sadly, yes. While there is a population of women who can separate sex and love (not something to brag about, in my opinion), most women tend to become more bonded through sex.
The big biological conflict between the genders is men rarely bond through sex. They can have sex with the same woman for months and not like her one bit more than they did the first night they had sex.
Instead, men fall in love through trust. And many men find it hard to trust a woman who has sex too fast, even if the man pressured for it.
As for your situation, if the two of you have agreed to become friends, then treat him like a friend. Give him a check-in call. Invite him to join you and your friends at some event.
Show him you are happy and not a pool of clingy emotions. But don’t become intimate with him again unless you’re close enough to agree on sexual exclusivity.
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